Yarrrrr....or Something Like That.

Concert Band

2011-07-13T14:38:00.000-04:00

On the advice of my one college instructor, I started performing with the Hamilton Concert Band back in September '10. It felt just like being back in concert band at my old high school, except there's no angsty teenagers. We played a concert back in April, celebrating the Royal Marriage, and also performed with the Saltfleet high school band at their spring concert. As a result, I now am certain that music performance is what my main focus will be over the next few years at school.

We had our final rehearsal before the summer break a couple of weeks ago, and then right after, the band held it's general meeting to discuss the upcoming 2011/2012 year, and also to elect members to the executive. I stayed just to hear what was going on, and then ended up being elected to the executive committee for the upcoming season. Starting in September, I'm the treasurer for the next 2 years, so it seems like my 3 years as an accountant are finally going to be put to use again.

The Great Apartment Search

2011-07-12T11:20:00.000-04:00

I've been searching for a 2 bedroom apartment for myself and my friend for almost 3 months now, and I'm really beginning to get frustrated. I've seen places that they'd have to pay me to live there because of repairs, or the neigbourhood, and I've also seen nice places that were just too small.

Today, I call a place that advertised 2 Bedrooms starting at $730, and was told there was one available for September, and it was $795. First off, why do these places lowball the price and then give sticker shock to potential tenants when they call? Secondly, THIS IS HAMILTON, PEOPLE! There's such a thing as being too expensive for the area the apartment's located in. I refuse to pay +$800, plus utilities for a shitty place downtown, that I know I'm just going to have issues with.

Beauty and Beastly Body Image

2011-02-12T00:11:00.000-05:00

During my shift this evening at work I had an interaction with a customer that made me quite upset, to the point where I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. This customer came right out and said (I'm quoting her exactly), "I don't want to be rude, but have you ever thought about laser hair removal? Your chin and mustache could really use it, and I've got a sale going on for four treatments. You're pretty, but the hair isn't."

What the eff?!? Really?!?! Laser hair removal exists??? Also, I didn't notice that I have to shave my face every effing morning because of my illness (PCOS)... but thank you; REALLY, THANK YOU for pointing it out and making me feel like shit, and then I still have to be polite and serve you. Oh, and pigs will fly before I ever go to your spa for any kind of service. Thankfully my uniform shirt is long sleeved, otherwise there might've been a "hairy man arm" incident v2.0

For those who don't know what PCOS is, it stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and to explain it as simply as possible, it's an endocrine disorder that causes women to have problems related to their reproductive systems, and usually is accompanied by one or more of the following issues: insulin resistance, androgen imbalance, thyroid problems, weight problems, excess body hair, hair loss, acne, and skin discolouration. There's no "real" cure for the disorder, and it's essentially mother nature's grab-bag of ugliness that gets thrown at about 10% of all women. Lucky me, I'm one of the 10%. Now back to the story...

Of course, the more and more I tried to forget what she said, the more upset I got, and I ended up sitting at the back of the bus and sniffling, the entire way home from work. I'm pretty sure no one sat beside me because no one wants to sit next to someone who's almost crying... it's just uncomfortable for everyone. I'm quite mad at myself for not being able to brush this woman's statement aside.

I don't get how people can be mean like this to anyone, especially since in my case, and in many other cases, the "unsightly" problem is because of an underlying medical issue. Wouldn't it just be better to not say anything, about physical differences, be nice and accept people for who they are?

I'd like to say that I don't care what people think about how I look, and that my personality should shine through all the superficial ideals of beauty, but let's be honest here, I'd be lying if I said I didn't care.

Ear Piercings & current BME "Projects"

2011-01-24T00:03:00.000-05:00

As some of my friends already know, I do love my ear piercings. In fact, I love them so much that I've got 3 piercings in each lobe, and 2 cartilage piercings on my right upper ear.

My first set of earring holes were done when I was in grade 2, and I had so many problems with infections until my parents bought me a tiny pair of gold hoop keepers. Keep in mind, it was the mid/late 80s, so when my ears finally healed, I wanted to wear the HUGE gold hoops that all the cool older girls were wearing. When I got a pair for Christmas, I think I wore them every day, not realizing that the weight of the earrings were damaging (stretching) my earring holes.

Now, over 20 years later and several pairs of heavy, dangly earrings later, I had earring holes that were too big to wear standard earrings, so on most days, I'd end up only wearing my CBEs in the 2nd & 3rd holes on my lobes, leaving no earrings in my first set of holes. For the past few years, I've purchased fake plugs, which hid the damage quite well; however, these plugs would inevitably break or worse, I'd loose a front or back of the earring, and have to constantly shell out more money to replace these quite expensive earrings. At a minimum of $5.99 per earring; and having purchased at least 3 pairs in the past 6 months alone, I was starting to get very frustrated.

I did a bunch of research and decided my only plan of action was to buy a pair of larger gauge pinchers and "stretch" my first set of holes. This is an idea I toyed with as a teenager and also while I was in university, but never tried, since I lived at home back then and my parents would've freaked out. I estimated that I was currently somewhere between an 18g and 16g, so I opted to buy a pair of 14g pinchers that came with plugs. Yes, I'm using acrylic jewelery; however, I'm an adult, and am well aware of the potential risks of using acrylic pinchers and tapers.

So, after reading several "stretching methods", I opted to stretch my holes with the aid of antibacterial soap and a really warm compress. Here's my process, which took about 30 minutes in total for each ear. Slow and steady is definitely the way to go when stretching your lobes, since you can cause tears and blowouts if you're too forceful or you try to stretch to a larger gauge too quickly.

First, I cleaned my new acrylic pinchers using warm water and liquid antibacterial soap. (Side note, I can't use too many things other than this unscented soap, since I tend to have allergic reactions to beauty/health products) I don't care that the earrings were fresh from a package... you don't know who touched them or where they were before they were put in the package. I also know that you shouldn't boil acrylic jewelery or use corrosive disinfectants such as rubbing alcohol or peroxide, since this can deteriorate the jewelery and cause adverse chemical reactions, which I know I definitely wouldn't want happening in a freshly stretched ear lobe. I also cleaned my ear lobes with the same soap and water.

Using the soap, I "lubed" up one end of the pincher and inserted into my earring hole until I felt a little bit of resistance, and then I left that ear alone until I got to the same point with the other ear. I then sat with a warm compress on each of my ear lobes to ease the slight burning sensation and to wash away the excess soap. I then just used warm water from the compress to act as the lubricant once I was ready to continue the stretching process.

Once the pinchers were fully in, with the widest point centred in my ear, I put on the o rings, and left the pinchers in for 2 days. I then took out each pincher (tonight) and inserted the plugs into my newly stretched earring holes. Caring for this BME is pretty easy, since I clean them in the shower every morning and then at night, just with a bit of the liquid soap and water.

Here's what my right ear looks like as of tonight. The plugs were extremely easy to insert into my holes, and I had absolutely no pain or irritation with this process, save for the extremely minor pain I felt when I was pushing the pinchers through my ears during the stretching process. I'm very happy with how it looks, especially now that the slight damage I'd originally had to my earring holes is no longer visible.

My next stretch will be to a 12g, which I plan on doing some time in February, which will then put the time at being 3 weeks between the stretches. I'm in no rush, since I want to make sure my ears stay healthy and that I'm completely comfortable with the eventual gauge of earring I decide to stretch to. I'm only looking to stretch to either an 8g or 6g, so they're not overly noticeable, and I can have various options for jewelery - namely some pretty glass plugs I saw when I was shopping recently.

What to be When You Grow Up?

2010-08-01T23:02:00.000-04:00

A re-post from my Facebook notes, but I felt it was worthwhile to post here too.

Everything has a beginning and an end, and that old cliche about endings being new beginnings is actually a good cliche for a reason - because it's true. I'm also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that there's some kind of blueprint out there for everyone's life, but also that you have to make things happen, rather than wait for them. So far, the past year of my life has been filled with even more growing up, learning and self-discovery.

I've learned that the answers to what you need are really provided, so long as you listen and act accordingly. My burning question has always been "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

I've always had issues answering that question, but the one thing that always remained constant was my love of all things music. Just ask my sister about the mix tape she found that included me singing "Under The Sea" at the top of my lungs when I was in grade school...

That said, I was reluctant to pursue that path because for the majority of people, careers in music don't really pay the bills. Okay, so apparently my answer "Musician" has been staring me in the face since I was a little kid, but I was ignoring it because I'd been groomed to believe that it was too difficult to be a successful musician and live a comfortable life.

Once embracing the musician idea, I realized that my life has been stuck in a rut of working just to live, rather than living for my work and that no amount of money would make me happy if I wasn't doing what I really loved. So, this September, off I head to college, *again*, but this time to study music. I'll be playing flute and piano until my fingers can't possibly move any faster, and might fall off; yet I know I'll be the happiest I've ever been.

I probably should've gone this route 10 years ago when I was first applying to colleges and universities, but that's all in the past now... and what's most important is that I'm finally pursuing the answer that's been there all along.

This next year might be a struggle at times, but so I've learned, nothing worthwhile is ever easy.

The End is Near

2010-07-08T12:06:00.004-04:00

This week, I'm finding myself increasingly frustrated with everything that's been happening. My one boss is an idiot and sends me numerous emails and leaves voicemails for me when I'm not on the clock, and expects the entire universe to revolve around him... at all times. I had a medical appointment on Monday and when I got back to the office, I could just tell that he was annoyed that my health was more important to me than his request for reports.

He treats me like his personal assistant, even though that's not my job title. I have to call places to book and cancel his appointments, and to deal with anything else he can't be bothered to do. Whenever he has me call a place for him and the person on the other end gives me a bit of a hard time, I pull this little trick out of my hat: "I understand I'm not listed on the account, but you know The Devil Wears Prada? My boss is worse than that, so please can you help me with this request??" Nine out of ten times, this little nugget of a line works wonders, especially if I'm speaking with someone who's read the book or seen the movie.

I also forgot to mention earlier that I also get told to go outside and pick up trash and cigarette butts and make the outside of the building look nice.

I'm completely exhausted because he expects me to do all this stuff for him on top of my own duties running the accounting department of one, tracking payroll, and the admin assistant and distribution duties that got funneled my way when the Distribution Manager/Admin. Assistant left over two years ago. Recycling in the office is the bane of my existence. No one knows how to sort paper and containers - I get coffee cups, plastic cutlery, takeout packages and everything else thrown in one blue bin and then I get to sort it every week. I've got a bunch of letters after my name, plus all this work experience and I just can't believe that this is what all my education and hard work got me.

I keep telling myself, you've only got a few weeks left, but it's not helping anymore. I still have to sit down with my direct boss and tell him that I'm leaving to pursue other interests. The end of July is it. It's the end of all these things that are angering me so much.

Work vs. Personal Beliefs

2010-05-27T16:26:00.005-04:00

This past weekend, I watched "Human Trafficking" with Donald Sutherland, Mira Sorvino and Robert Carlyle. Being that the film was called "Human Trafficking", I wasn't expecting a candy-coated Hollywood ending feel good movie. What I also didn't expect is that it would make me think long and hard about my current job and how I could be proliferating the human trafficking and prostitution issues in my own city with my involvement with our Weekly Alt. paper.

On one hand, as a feminist, I believe that women and men have the power to govern over themselves as they see fit, which includes the selling of one's own body. If a person decides that prostitution is their chosen profession, then that's their own prerogative.

Now the reason I'm feeling conflicted is that we really don't know if all of the ladies and gents who advertise their services in the paper are sex trade workers by choice or because they're forced to do so. We also open another can of worms with the agencies who advertise escort and adult massage services. Any of these places could be part of a human trafficking ring, and we'd just never know, but would continue to place their ads and take payment. The worst part of this for me is that I'm pretty sure the executives don't care about the potential for the paper to be a vehicle for this problem - instead, it's all about the bottom line.

Changes

2010-05-11T23:32:00.003-04:00

It's been some time since my last post, mainly because things have been pretty much un-changed for the past few months. Same old story - work, sleep, work...etc gets boring to write about after a while. As of yesterday, the wheels of change have finally started to move again! But first, the back-story:

I had applied for school back in February and had several months to really buckle down and practice my audition pieces. During that time, I also realized that the no-name flute I owned was really horrible when even after some basic maintenance and screw tightening/loosening, I was squeaking on the really high notes and couldn't play anything lower than G. Serves me right for buying a cheap instrument off eBay... Luckily, my problem was solved when I scored an awesome deal for a practically new student model Armstrong flute at a second hand store. Now I could finally play all the notes I needed to play and since there was no squeaking, I no longer sounded like I was killing a cat in my apartment.

Yesterday was my audition. I was a bit shocked that I wasn't really nervous until I got on the bus, but I calmed my nerves with a little bit of classical music to drown out the "interesting" passengers around me. I don't know what it is, but Bach's Air on the G String always calms me down and makes everything seem peaceful around me. Interestingly enough, both my audition pieces were Bach as well. My audition was scheduled for 9:30am, but no one showed up until 9:15. By the time I was let in to a room to warm up, it was already after 9:30.

I ended up auditioning in front of the programme co-ordinator, who decided to stop me part way through Sleepers Awake and give me a mini lesson. I was asked to re-start the piece so we could hear the difference in playing. I didn't feel that my second piece was very strong... my nerves started to get the better of me at that point, but I made it all the way through it anyways. Before the interview started, I was also asked to sing the notes that were played on the piano and whether a chord was major or minor. According to my interviewer, I've got a good ear. (Take that Wes, I'm officially not tone deaf!!!)

The interview went well. I was told that I'm talented, but that my playing ability is a year behind people who would be entering the regular applied music programme. That said, I was applying for the prepatory course because I didn't feel I was at the right level, prior to the audition. After discussing what my goals were, and why I auditioned, he told me that I'm accepted to the programme and that he was going to process my offer of admission that afternoon.

Now the difficult part is figuring out when to tell my bosses that I'm leaving. I definitely want to wait until it's all official and I've secured funding for the school year. Some people are saying just give 2 weeks, but I've been there a while and would still like to leave on a good note. I'm thinking that I'll give notice at the beginning of August and that I'll be finished at the end of the month. I'm a bit scared about the living on my own and going back to school full time bit, but I have to do this. If I don't, I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

Anxious for a Reason?

2010-02-25T13:49:00.003-05:00

I'm dealing with the return of a very familiar and unwanted feeling: Anxiety. Almost three years ago, I thought I'd dealt with my issues, which at the time were about commuting to Toronto and working under a verbally extended contract, with a promise of a permanent job dangling like a carrot in front of my nose. I opted to look for a new job, as it was evident that I couldn't remain in that state of anxiousness forever. My (now current) job felt like a blessing - a bright spot in all the darkness I was feeling at the time.

Now, three years later, the same kind of anxiety is creeping up on me again. This time, it's not knowing how secure my job is, feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work I deal with, and also knowing that I'm severely underpaid for the skills and knowledge I have. I also know that I'm not happy because I'm still having to live like a broke student, even though I graduated university 5 years ago this spring. I took a pay cut to work at my current job, and I haven't seen a raise in the years since I started. I've been looking for inspiring positions, but nothing strikes my fancy. I almost feel apathetic about the search for a new job, because I figure what's the point?

On top of all this, the economy has been very unkind to my current employer, and we're still feeling the affects of the cash crunch. This makes me uneasy because I now have additional responsibilities like rent, utilities, bills, budgeting in care for myself and my pets. If I lose my job, I have no savings to fall back on, and I will most likely lose my apartment as well, leaving me with loads of personal belongings, and the three animals to live on the street... I can't expect my parents to have me move in with them, as they've finally got their own lives sorted in their perfect one bedroom apartment, plus it'd be like running back to them, admitting defeat as a grown up.

Instead, I chose to apply to a music programme, which I don't even know if I can afford to go to school for if I lose my full time job.

This is all coming to a head today because there's a staff meeting being called for tomorrow, and I just have a feeling of dread about it. There's never been a staff meeting here before, so of course my brain automatically thinks that the worst is about to happen.

One Ginormous Leap!

2010-02-22T13:52:00.002-05:00

For some time now, I've had difficulty watching and listening to orchestras, concert bands and individual performers. I think this was in part because I felt like a little piece of me would die inside with the realization that I wasn't persistent enough in following my dream. I remember going to see the Phantom when it returned to Toronto, and I sat there and cried; not because of the story, but instead because I was upset that I wasn't performing and doing what I love best.

My friends and family know that I'm not happy in my current job. It's boring and repetitive, and just plain not challenging. I like my co-workers, but I NEED to be creative. Working with numbers every day is just not providing me with that. I'm cranky, stressed and quite frankly, my job is making me sick.

I decided a few weeks ago that perhaps I should swallow my pride and apply for the music prep. course at Mohawk. My audition at McMaster 10 years ago didn't go well at all, and I was too proud and sure of my abilities to take beginners music. Now, I've come to realize that if I don't follow through with my talents, I'll never be truly happy.

I've got the audition pieces picked and just finished the OCAS application for the prep. course, which is only 8 months. My goal at the end of this is to be a professional musician in an orchestral setting, preferably for a company like Mirvish productions, which produces the majority of the musicals in Toronto.

I would say I'm crossing my fingers in the hope that this will be a success, but instead, I'm taking a ginormous leap towards the career I've always known I should have, and am telling myself that it's all going to work out.

Pirates... in cupcake form

2009-06-16T23:52:00.004-04:00

Since my blog is pirate titled, I felt I must include an entry about the pirate cupcakes I made this evening. My co-worker *LOVES* pirates... and Robert Pattinson, and it's her birthday tomorrow. I know I'm not talented enough with cake and frosting to make a Robert Pattinson cake, so she's getting pirate cupcakes instead. There's nothing super-fancy here; just store-bought cake mix and icing. Apparently my local grocery store doesn't sell black icing, so I had to improvise using a dark chocolate fudge frosting instead.

Although the design is super-simplistic, I like the overall finished look of these and think I'd easily make them again.

Bicycles!!

2009-05-26T19:17:00.003-04:00

In an attempt to not only get around places faster, but also to find my inner child; I decided to buy myself a bicycle. After what seemed like an eternity of weighing the pros and cons of first the purchase, and then specifically the kind of bike I wanted, I decided upon a 6 speed cruiser style bike.

Having not ridden a bike in over 12 years, I was quite scared of falling and hurting myself. Surprisingly though, the saying "it's just like riding a bike" was beyond correct in my case. Sure, I was a bit wobbly in the store as I tested my bike, but after a lovely afternoon of bike riding along the harbour, it's like I never stopped riding.

Every morning I ride my bike to work, I briefly become an 8 year old version of myself and have to work hard not to squeal "Weeeeeeeee!" in excitement as I breeze down the hills.

Over the next few months, I'd like to accessorize my bike further, with some mirrors and perhaps a snazzy basket for both the front and the back.... I might also buy some streamers :D

Crosswalks and Death Defying Acts

2009-04-25T00:19:00.005-04:00

As I walk to work each morning, I feel more and more like poor little frogger, trying to cross the street without getting hit by a car. It doesn't matter if I wait for a light and cross with the walking man symbol or if I were try and run across the street without a light. No matter how you slice it, crossing the street has become a dangerous game.

Many times when I have the right of way to cross with the lights, drivers will ignore the pedestrian crosswalk, and pull out to make a turn almost hitting those of us crossing the street. Has bowling for pedestrians become the new game that the non-drivers don't know about?

The other thing that really irks me about drivers in this city is when a car pulls out into a very busy intersection, trying to make a right hand turn on a red, and effectively blocking all pedestrian traffic from safely crossing the street. NEWSFLASH: You're in a car, I'm walking... no matter what, you'll still get to where you need to be faster than I will.

I know I can bitch about this all until I'm blue in the face, but at least maybe one driver will read this and realise that they can make the road safer by following the rules of the road and giving us pedestrian folk the right of way.

Debt... We All Have to Deal With It!

2009-02-07T09:39:00.003-05:00

As most every 20 something out of school knows, you graduate with an insane amount of debt. Sometimes it's manageable, sometimes it's not. Like many others in my situation, my debt load has been a burden for some time, but slowly and surely I am paying it off, just like any honest, hard-working person tries to do. Yes, there's been some financial ups and downs, as well as some naive stupidity with credit cards, but never once have I said that I wasn't going to pay my debts. I'm not a bad person, I just had debt that I wasn't good at dealing with while I was a student. Lesson learned, and I'm paying for it.

Fast forward to this morning, where I wake up to a message on my answering machine from a collections agency I've been "working" with to get a very minor debt from my afforementioned naivete cleared up. Mr. Collections Agent leaves me this long winded and haughty "you're not keeping up with your end of the deal" kind of message, and all I see is RED!

Excuse me?!? Hell no, he didn't just say that!

What it boils down to is that Mr. Collections Agent is accusing me of dishonesty and failure to keep my end of the agreement we had. I then get threatened that they will re-neg the arrangements made a few months ago if there's no payment by Mondy. To clarify, the arrangements were that a payment would be made via online banking, the first Friday (pay) of each month. It's nice and easy do this, because it's just like paying any other bill online. I monitor my account very closely, and make sure there's always enough for the payment to go through. Sure enough, I check my account, and the payment was processed yesterday, EXACTLY as per my agreement with Mr. Collections Agent.

Typically I would just call back and be polite about the misunderstanding; however, this time due to the nature of the message left for me, I kinda lost it. When I feel like I'm being bullied and backed into a corner being blamed for something that's untrue, I really get upset. Fuelled by my anger and righteousness over my payments being made on time, I called back. Unfortunately I got voicemail, but that didn't deter me from saying exactly what I wanted to say.

Mr. Collections Agent definitely got an earful from me on his voicemail. I clearly stated that as per our agreement, payment was made (yesterday) on the first Friday of the month, and that this agreement was made while I was at work, and my co-workers heard me state the terms of payment that I could adhere to. I provided the transaction number for yesterday's payment, and then said that since I'm adhering to my end of the agreement, it's bullshit that I'm being contacted for breaking the agreement. Also, I threatened to sue for harrassment, should I receive any further calls about not living up to my end of the agreement. I ended with "have a pleasant day"... which was said with a tinge of sarcasm, but that'll probably go unheard.

I truly don't like to swear at people who are just doing their job, but after listening to that message and also recounting my past dealings with this "lovely" person, I was beyond pissed off.

I can't wait to be rid of this account so I can focus on more important things and not waste my energy on dealing with Mr. Collections Agent ever again.

There's Got to be Something More...

2008-11-03T22:11:00.003-05:00

I've been out of University for a few years now, and have attempted to make the most of my position in life, but I can't help but wonder if there's something more, or if this is it. I did what every high school student is told they must do to be successful; however, what they don't tell you is how you can be happy and successful. I know that work isn't supposed to be all fun and games, but I do believe it needs to be a place that allows for you to be yourself and continuously learn, whilest still being a productive member of the workforce.

As most people in my social circle know, I left my job in Toronto because I felt like it was sucking my life and my soul right out of me. After experiencing the process of becoming a soulless drone in the "centre" of the Canadian universe, I know I never want to end up like that ever again.

Currently, I don't feel like I'm making a difference in the world and it bothers me that my talents are seemingly going to waste while I continue to plug away at my job. My time working at my current job has been fun, but I know that there's something bigger that's been planned for me.

Now, I've got an opportunity to progress in a direction I should've gone a few years ago, but I couldn't see the forest for all the trees. While I know I can't let this opportunity pass me by, I have to quickly figure out the mechanics of the entire situation or just jump right in and pray to every known God that it'll all work out in the end.

An introspective look at how the world can make you feel messed up beyond repair

2008-06-26T22:50:00.004-04:00

I’m going to be completely open and honest in this post, and if it comes across as too out-there or crazy, so be it. This is how I’m feeling and I just need to get it out and let go of it completely, since it’s not healthy to keep it all bottled up. It’s been brought about by fear of failure and uncertainty about where I really belong in my very awkward stage of quasi-adultness.

I’ve had these problems haunting me for a while. The problem is that I’ve never felt quite good enough or that I didn’t quite fit in. In fact, I feel awkward beyond belief sometimes. Some would say it’s an esteem issue, and maybe they’re right, but I think it also stems from wanting to be perfect and ultimately being afraid to make mistakes and learn from them.

I remember always striving to be the top achiever in every single class, to find myself being a good enough student, but never quite good enough to be the best in class. In terms of fitting in, I felt that at one job, I could be likened to the country mouse – some small town girl in the big city who’s nice enough, but didn’t really have what it took to fit into the grand scheme of things. This is all very odd, seeing as I’ve lived my entire life in a relatively large city and I got on well with everyone, but the sense of being an outsider was still there.

When it comes to criticism, it’s never been an easy thing for me to handle. It’s kind of like my own personal kryptonite. It makes me want to curl up in a ball on the ground with my hands on my ears saying “la la la la la! I’m not listening....” When I do actually achieve something, I find it very difficult to take praise for it, perhaps because I feel I could’ve done it differently/faster/better. I’m really my own worst enemy in terms of criticism.

I’ve also learned that I have a very hard time with conflict, which is kind of horrible, since life can be full of conflict. It causes me extreme anxiety – the kind where you can feel your veins pulsate with each heart beat, your hands get cold like ice and shake, your stomach does turns and flips and you feel like you could pass out at any moment. Sometimes, my brain even computes criticism as a kind of conflict – a personal attack on me, and this leaves me in a state of internal retreat, where I feel completely incapable of standing up for myself and joining in the conversation like a real adult would. I just absorb what’s being said, and don’t even bother explaining myself anymore because I’ve never been successful at putting together coherent arguments, and it just makes me more flustered and upset. At least if I stay silent, I don’t regret saying anything, instead I just come up with things I should’ve said about an hour after the discussion takes place because I dwell on the things I’ve internalized.

It’s kind of amazing how being introspective and writing all this down makes me feel better, more human, and less like I’ve failed miserably. It also makes me wonder if I’ll ever really feel like an adult, or whether life is just one big game of dress up where we all play at being adults.

Cooking!!

2008-06-10T11:55:00.005-04:00

One of my new-found joys of living in my own place is the ability to cook whatever I feel like cooking. My newest creation (last night's dinner) was just too yummy to keep to myself. I made a vegetarian version due to lack of meat and not wanting to spend extra money, but it'd be completely awesome with chicken as well. My vegetarian version cost just $6.12 at the local grocer, and made about 4 servings. No, I don't have a title for it, I'm just going to call it awesome.

Ingredients

For Stir Fry/Saute
Cooking Oil
1 diced cooking onion
2 large carrots, peeled and cut into medallions
1 green Bell Pepper, cut into strips
1 yellow Bell Pepper, cut into strips
15 mushrooms, cut
4 Tbsp peanut butter
1 Tbsp soy sauce
1 clove minced garlic
Juice of 1/2 a lemon
1 tsp granulated sugar
red pepper flakes (to taste)

Teryiaki Tofu
1 package firm tofu
2 Tbsp teryiaki sauce
2 Tbsp water
2 cloves minced garlic
1" piece ginger root, peeled and grated

If you are using the Teryiaki Tofu with this recipe, prepare it first, since it needs to marinate.

Instructions
Teryiaki Tofu
Place tofu between paper towels, between two plates and place a large can (like tomatoes) on top to remove excess liquid. While the tofu is being pressed, in a small bowl, mix together the teryiaki sauce, water, minced garlic and grated ginger. Cut the tofu into bite-sized cubes and marinate in the teryiaki mixture for 15 minutes - 1 hour depending on your time restraints.
Bake tofu at 350 degrees until crispy. If you want a nice dark brown crust, broil for a few minutes before taking out of the oven. Alternately, you can pan-fry the tofu pieces until crispy on all sides and then drain on paper towels.

Stir fry
Heat oil (approx. 1 Tbsp) in non-stick frying pan or wok over medium-high heat. Add in onions and carrots. Cook until onions are translucent. Add mushrooms and peppers. While this cooks, in a microwaveable bowl, put the peanut butter and soy sauce together and microwave for approx. 30 seconds or until you can easily stir the peanut butter. Mix in the minced garlic, lemon juice, granulated sugar and red pepper flakes. If the sauce is too thick, add some water until it's the consistency you desire. Pour sauce directly over the stir-fried vegetables and let cook for 1-2 more minutes.

Serve over rice with the tofu and enjoy.

Montreal vs. Hamilton

2008-05-20T23:39:00.004-04:00

After returning from my trip to Quebec, I've decided that either the city planning, transit systems and bohemianesque way of life need to be transplanted in Hamilton, or I'm just going to have to pack up and move to Montreal (when my lease expires next year).

First off, Hamilton could take a few pointers from Montreal's transit system. I'll be completely honest here, I fell in love with the Metro. Everything is accessible via this intelligently planned rapid transit system, and even the online maps are interactive and clickable, giving information about each station and some of the nearby attractions. Each stop is even shown on Google Maps, which made it even easier to figure out how to get where my friends and I wanted to go. This was definitely an improvement over the horrible HSR site and trip planner that I'm so used to, and the insanely complicated and non-intuitive interface of the TTC site.

On top of the ability to easily pre-plan our travels on the Metro, I also must give a huge two thumbs up to the people who decided that three day tourist passes should exist for only $17, which is a definite steal when compared to the very restrictive day passes you can purchase for use on the TTC. Rather than spend $2.75 each time we got on the Metro, all three of us bought these tourist passes and could use them for unlimited travel on all busses and the Metro in Montreal. Although we only used the passes for 2 days, by the time we'd finished our sightseeing ventures on Saturday and Sunday, the passes had saved each of us close to $5 in fares.

Another thing that I really believe needs to be adopted here are the small parcs that are maintained in various places around the city. It'd be a definite improvement over the vacant lots and decrepid abandoned buildings that line the streets of Hamilton.

As for the bohemianesque way of life I speak of, it just seemed to me that while every one we met in Montreal had a little niche in their respective neighbourhoods, the general feel of the city was one of acceptance, art, culture and civic pride. I feel the same about Locke Street here in Hamilton, but it was just so incredible that the entire city seemed to be on the same page.

Musical Nerdiness

2008-05-20T23:31:00.005-04:00

I've owned my ipod for over a year now, and haven't downloaded music from itunes or any other sites, just because I own so many CDs I really, really love. That said, I came to a realisation last Thursday night as I was prepping my ipod playlist for my upcoming road trip to Montreal... I really wanted "Informer" by Snow on my playlist. Did I own it already? That's a loud, resounding NO! In all my glorious nerdiness, I proudly logged onto itunes and clicked on my selection. Yes, that's right, my first (and probably only) itunes purchase was a one-hit wonder from the 90s. On second thought, I wonder if they have anything by Milli Vanilli...

Inconsiderate Laundering...

2008-05-15T17:53:00.003-04:00

I realise that I'm not one to talk with my hoardes of clothing, but it really bothers me when I go to do laundry and one person has taken it upon themselves to fill all four of the available washing machines in the laundry room. Yes, the washers are fairly tiny, but really, 4 machines at the same time?!? That's $8 for washing and at least another $8 for drying, because I'm sure that they're not going to hang dry four loads of laundry in their apartment..

All I wanted to do was a load of laundry, pack my luggage and eat my dinner. :S

A Room of My Own

2008-05-11T23:25:00.004-04:00

I'm now approaching the two-week mark in my apartment. Slowly things are starting to come together, although there's a few boxes still unpacked, and shelves not put up yet. There's also some stuff left up at my parents' place too. At this point; however, I need to get my shelving installed so I can continue to put stuff away where it belongs. Installing these shelves is a bit of a challenge, since some of the walls in my apartment are concrete, while others are just drywall. Eventually, with an electric drill, screwdriver and wall plugs, the storage solutions will be complete.

My apartment's now starting to look more like a home, rather than just a box in which I sleep and store stuff. This past weekend included a shopping trip to the greatest big box store of them all: IKEA! I went in with a distinct list of items that I thought would make my life easier, and along the way, with my sister's advice ended up scratching items off and substituting other things. As a result, I now have an end table, wall mounted CD/DVD shelving (which I thought was excellent, due to lack of floor space), a shelf for above my stove, knives for cooking and finally, curtains in my living room/dining room area. Upon bringing everything home, I'm thinking about a couple more of the CD/DVD shelves to make room for books on my bookshelves. Yay! This means another trip to IKEA in the near future!!!!

Why Drivers Suck!

2008-03-19T20:38:00.005-04:00

I'm a pedestrian and bus-rider. That's how I get around, and I'm cool with that. What I don't like is when people in cars are completely inconsiderate or downright rude to pedestrians. I'm pretty good at following rules. As a young child, I learned that the walking man symbol meant it was safe to cross the road, the blinky hand meant don't start crossing, and if you're in the nearing the other end of the crosswalk, hurry your ass up and get on the sidewalk so you don't get hit. Obviously, the solid red hand was a STOP! Don't cross! I also learned the meaning of red light, green light, yellow light, just like all the other children in kindergarten. Maybe just the pedestrians hold and retain this knowledge.... because it sure seems to me like a lot of drivers need to go back to kindergarten for this rudimentary training on traffic lights.

A few weeks back, I was standing at the corner of Locke and Main, waiting for the light to change and ultimately, my turn to cross Main St. to get to my bus stop. I watched the light on Main change to red, and seconds later, the light changed, signalling I could cross. I looked to the right (for the out of towners, Main's a 1 way street), and started to cross. I'd made it to the second lane when a taxi came barrelling right through the red light and lays on his horn at me, as he almost hits me. Um, the last time I checked, running a red light was against the law, but that's alright, I'm apparently just a mere moving speedbump... no value to my life at all.

Today, it was nice and rainy. As most Hamiltonians know, the roads are filled with potholes, or better yet, the roads are all potholes... I'm walking along Main when a white truck speeds along in the curb lane, hits a pothole that's filled with cold, dirty water; thereby creating a wave of water that was about 5 feet tall. How do I know it was 5 feet tall? That's because I got drenched from just about the top of my head, right down my left side, and I'm about 5'2". Thanks a lot jackass! I got to go shopping looking like I peed myself, and I was super cold for the better part of the afternoon since the water was pretty damn cold it's not quite balmy weather yet. Awesome!

Another one of my pet peeves is when cars block the intersection or part of the sidewalk as they're pulling out of a parking lot or driveway, making it impossible for a pedestrian to safely cross the road or continue on the sidewalk. This happens, at some point, every single day.

I also love when you're already in the middle of legally crossing the road, and a driver becomes impatient and decides to honk their horn, yell obscinities or ultimately, try to cut in front of you, and narrowly miss mowing you over in the process.

Last time I checked, the pedestrian; not the car, has the right of way.

Matthew Good, and some Celebrity Look-A-Likes!

2007-11-04T20:24:00.001-05:00

I got offered a couple of tickets for the Matthew Good concert at Hamilton Place, this past Friday. Of course I accepted the tickets, and after a few minor issues were ironed out, I'd also found someone to join me that night. My sister met me at work and we went for dinner before the show, since there were 3 hours between when I finished working and the start of the concert.

We arrived at the venue and the first thing out of the ticket scanner's mouth was, "man, those are awesome tickets!" It's always a good sign when an employee verifies the awesomness of your seats. We were 9th row, dead centre.

As we're sitting there, Brenda's commenting on people as they're arriving and finding their own seats. Two rows ahead of us, this group of people come in and Brenda just blurts right out "Oh my god, it's Sideshow Bob!" The people in front of us heard, and started laughing. Seriously, this guy's hair was friggin huge, and completely blocked my view. For those who are skeptical as to whether I'm exagerating, see the picture below - courtesy of Brenda.

Was he courteous enough to bring a hair elastic to tie it back out of every one else's line of sight... NO. That said, after the opening act, it was determined that they were, in fact, in the wrong seats. I enjoyed listening to the opening act, I just couldn't see much because of the mass of hair in my direct line of sight.

I swear it was celebrity look-a-like night and we weren't told about it. A guy came in and I swear he looked exactly like Screech from Saved by the Bell and Brenda noticed this older leathery looking guy in a leopard print cowboy hat and dubbed him "Crocodile Dundee". Then the lights went out, the performance started and we couldn't search for any more look-a-likes.

Matthew Good came out, performed for an hour, took a picture of the audience and then went off stage to the sound of roaring applause. He came back out and continued for another 45 minutes. I've got total respect for anyone who can play an acoustic guitar for an hour straight, but to go for another 45 minutes is incredible. My own fingers start to hurt after 30 minutes.

One of the funniest things he said was that when the lights are on, Hamilton Place looks like it's stuck in the 1970s, but when the lights are out, it looks like Battlestar Galactica, and that in his opinion, that's awesome. Not only is the guy an awesome musician, but he's quite amusing too. Makes me love nerdy guitar players even more.

Favourite Things

2007-10-25T20:25:00.001-04:00

Okay, so a few people have said I'm not posting enough anymore... Fine, I agree and I'll even admit that I'm lacking in the ascerbic wit department lately. So, in an effort to appease Michelle, the 'Blogger Extraordinaire', I give you my top 5 lists (in no particular order).

Alone-time Activities

Playing the flute, guitar, and piano
Curling up with an awesome book
Photography
Writing
Beating Guitar Hero on Expert... almost.

Activities Whilest Commuting

Applying makeup on the bus, without poking my eyes out with the mascara wand or eye pencil
Solving killer sudokus and logic problems
Reading
Listening to music, trying to drown out the other, less considerate ipod users on the bus
Sleeping... yes, I sleep on the bus, and no, I've never missed my stop, ever!

Songs

Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance
Country Roads - John Denver
Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring - Bach
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Mario Takes a Walk - Jesse Cook

Books

Anil's Ghost - Michael Ondaatje
Dracula - Bram Stoker
Microserfs - Douglas Coupland
Frankenstein - Mary Shelley
Interview with the Vampire - Anne Rice

Movies

Big Trouble in Little China
Ghostbusters
The Goonies
The Court Jester
Return of the Jedi

Recipes to Cook or Bake

Chicken Bengalia
Chocolate Miracle Whip Cake
Spaghetti & Meatballs
Curried chickpeas with apple and rice
Christmas Sugar Cookies

Culture, anyone?

2007-10-11T16:13:00.001-04:00

I had a couple of tickets given to me for the Jesse Cook concert at Hamilton Place last Saturday. Originally I was going to take my mom with me. That said, she was working all weekend and by the time I got home from the mall, she was out cold. So I ended up taking my sister with me instead.

I warned her ahead of time that the majority of the music would be completely instrumental. By the time the intermission rolled around, all the music to that point had been purely instrumental, and she turned to me and said, "when is there going to be singing?". The singing came in the second half of the concert. I was really hoping to hear "Fall at Your Feet", but didn't hold my breath, seeing as they'd already performed 2 songs with vocals. Towards the end, they wanted people to get up and dance, and even told them to get up on stage and dance if they wanted to. It was like one big salsa/flamenco/conga line party up there.

After a huge standing ovation an encore, and then another standing ovation, Jesse Cook and the rest of the musicians came back out for a second encore. It was the most amazing performance I've ever witnessed. I got to hear "Fall at Your Feet", completely acoustic, with no microphones either. The entire theatre was silent, and it was an incredibly breathtaking experience.

Shockingly, my sister, the pop-tart music lover that she is, actually enjoyed herself... once the singing and dancing started.

Subways aren't the place to die, dear...

2007-09-14T14:45:00.001-04:00

Okay, so Brenda asked me to go to Beachfest with her on the 2nd. I said sure, Chantal Kreviazuk was playing, but more importantly for Brenda, her dream guy Kalan Porter was performing. She also persuaded me to go because David Usher was performing that night for the festival too.

We finally get to Toronto, and I've got our subway to subway to bus route all planned out. I like to be prepared, and know where we're going. We got there at 1pm and should've had plenty of time to get to the festival for Chantal Kreviasuk at 3:00. Everything was working as planned and we were on the University-Spadina line, poised to transfer onto the Bloor line at St. George Station... until an announcement was made saying that there was no access to St. George Station due to an ongoing police investigation.

We got off at Spadina to transfer subway lines, and waited for about 45 minutes for the next subway, until we heard an announcement stating that there was no subway service, due to a police investigation at track level, and that all passengers should go above ground to the shuttle bus service. ~ooh, a police investigation at track level... you know what that means?!? Someone decided to jump in front of a subway during the mid-day rush. I should swear off of taking the subway ever again... my last day working in Toronto, there was an electrical problem at Union station, and I was stuck on the subway between stations for almost 45 minutes.

We ended up taking streetcars for the first time ever... kinda scary, to be honest. I'm still not too sure about waiting in the middle of a road for public transit, while the cars whiz by, dangerously close to where you're standing. We missed the 3:00 performance, but managed to get there for Kalan Porter at 4, so the day wasn't completely bust. I decided to forget about David Usher at 9pm, so we walked from Sunnyside Park to Ontario Place, and then walked around both Ontario Place and the Ex.

I just have one request of anyone wishing to jump in front of a subway... Could you please re-think your plan... maybe try it at 1 or 2am if you're really serious about it?

The Future of Canada?!?

2007-07-14T10:44:00.003-04:00

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Okay, so yesterday, I get out of work at 5pm, and need to make it to the bus stop at Queen and Main by 5:06 - that's when the Beeline's supposed to be there. I had plans to meet my friend at Eastgate for 5:30ish... I know it was kind of a tight schedule, but at the same time, it really only is a 1/2 hour bus ride across the city. So I'm truckin' it from Locke to Queen, when I get the sense that I should look behind me to see if a bus is approaching. Sure enough, I'm about halfway up the hill when I see a bus at Locke. I couldn't make out whether it was my bus or not, so I decided to speed it up a notch. I get to the corner before my stop, and decide that a jog was in order - just to make it to the stop. All of a sudden, this beat up teal green junker from the late 80s/early 90s drives past slowly, since they were approaching a red light at Queen. A snot-nosed kid, probably 8 years old and weighing about 170 - 180 lbs hangs half way out the rolled-down rear window and points and laughs at me as they're passing.

Usually, I'd just brush the snide comments of a little kid off, seeing as kids typically don't censor their thoughts very well - I know, I was a kid, and brutal honesty always escaped my mouth without much thought. But, this particular event made me extremely angry for several reasons.

There was of course an adult driving the car, presumably the parent of the child, why the HELL wasn't the kid securely fastened into the car?!? Seatbelts aren't there for decoration you know! It's the law! Seatbelts keep people safe, in the car, should an accident happen.

The rear window was wide open, the kid was half way out of the car! That's really safe! What would have happened if a car had passed by as the kid was hanging out? Or... what if the kid fell out of the car as it was moving?? I see criminal negligence charges, and one less annoying kid in the world.

What ever happened to manners? Do parents teach their kids about manners anymore?? Think about it - is it really polite to yell things out the window at pedestrians as you pass by in your car? Ummmm, let me answer this for you NO!!!!!!!

I'm not the smallest person in the world - I don't like to criticize other people about their weight... that'd make me a hypocrite. However, perhaps what this severely overweight child needed was to be out playing or walking or some other physical activity, rather than screaming out the window of a car. It's odd that I'm being made fun of for walking, by a little fat boy. Then again, if the parents failed to buckle the kid's seatbelt, lets them hang out the window, and doesn't teach them manners, I highly doubt that physical activity and a healthy lifestyle for their child ranks high on their list of things to do.

This experience leads me to the question that is troubling many people... Is this kid the future of Canada? If this is any indication of things to come, I do say, we're all in a heap of trouble!

My Day, Including Prostitutes and Potheads... Oh My!

2007-06-29T23:16:00.001-04:00

I started out the day at work, which was alright. Had a laughable moment when some guy came into the office to purchase an ad - wanting it to say something about being "hardcore". He then asks us, to define what "hardcore" meant. The answer given was that it meant "doing not so nice things". I couldn't say anything and nearly choked on my drink because I was trying not to laugh.

To be honest, I wanted to intercept with, "according to the google definition search, hardcore is defined as "1. hard-core: intensely loyal; "his hard-core supporters" 2. Hardcore techno is a kind of techno music closely related to the Gabba style. It originated in the early- to mid-1990s in largely industrial or post-industrial cities (Rotterdam, New York City, Newcastle, New South Wales) and simultaneously in commercial dance techno music looking for a harder sound..." wait, those aren't right... "3. hard-core: extremely explicit; "hard-core pornography" Ding, Ding, Ding... if you guessed #3, you're right!"

After work, Danielle and I went to the movies, and saw Live Free or Die Hard, and went for Thai. Movie was awesome, Thai food was great, as usual. At Gore Park, we parted ways. I stood at my bus stop and was approached by this guy around my age. First question was "do you know what time it is?" I answered, and then the next question was "do you know where I can get some pot?" Not the greatest segway, but whatever. Told him I didn't know, since I don't smoke pot. He then proceeded to make small talk until the bus arrived, and then in an offhanded way, tried to get me to go out for drinks with him. I politely declined... really I don't like being picked up at the bus stop on my way home after working and going out. All I want sometimes is to just go home and relax.

This isn't the first time a guy has approached me and asked where to buy pot... perhaps this is THE new pickup line I'm not aware of? Or... am I just a beacon for all the potheads and lost souls, wherever I may travel?

Holy Flaming Car, Batman!

2007-06-26T20:41:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a very busy day for me. To sum it up, I went to work, left early for an appointment, went shopping and then decided to visit my sister at work, before heading home.

At 7:30, I decided to head home, and started walking to the closest bus stop, near the train station. I'm approaching the cross walk, and I hear the sound of tires squealing. I looked, and saw a car narrowly miss a bus, lose control and crash head-on into the corner of the overpass/bridge where the trains come into the station. What did the bus driver do? Well, he just kept on going, and didn't even stop for a moment. If I would've seen the bus number, I would've reported the driver for not remaining at the scene.

The driver gets out of the car, and quickly gets away from it, since the crumpled hood of the car is steaming and smoking. He then, in a total stroke of genious, goes back to the car to retrieve his sandals. By this time, I'm standing at the bus stop, and notice that where there was just smoke, there's now the beginning of flames under the hood of the car. I place a call to 911 to report the fire, and was told that they were already responding to a possible car fire. I stressed that it wasn't just a possible car fire anymore, that there were now flames rising above the hood.

Needless to say, since I'd witnessed the accident, I had to stay and tell the police what I saw. So, I got to sit in the back of a police car for the first time ever. Not really an experience I'd like to do ever again. I'm a short one, and my knees were touching the barrier wall between the front and back seat. Because I didn't see the colour of the light, since I was just paying attention to the crosswalk signals, my account of the events wasn't documented.

It's accidents such as this, that make me very glad that I'm environmentally friendly and take the bus.

Working Downtown

2007-06-15T14:52:00.001-04:00

Okay, so some of you are familiar with working downtown in a larger city. It has its perks and its downfalls. The two biggest perks are that I'm close to shopping and restaurants, and that all the busses run to and from the "downtown hub".

Now for the downside!

This morning, I'm standing at the bus stop (in front of a nudie movie place), listening to my music and minding my own business. All of a sudden, I feel someone tap me on my shoulder, so I turn around. It's this lady in her early 60s trying to force a watchtower publication on me. I politely declined, when really, I felt like blowing up and screaming at her that I don't force my beliefs on people and I don't want her stupid magazine, so leave me the f&;*% alone!

Yesterday, I'm walking from my work to downtown, and all of a sudden I get a whiff of super-heated urine as this lady is approaching me to ask for directions. Sure enough, the front of her pants are soaked. Ewwwwwwwwww! I held my breath while I pointed out where she should be going. Thankfully she was going in the opposite direction from me, so I was assured she wouldn't become my newest bus bus buddy.

I knew that at some point I wouldn't be able to avoid talking to people during my daily commute, but why do I always seem to attract the fanatical religious ones or the gross ones?!?

Buyer's Regret?!?

2007-03-07T22:21:00.001-05:00

Last weekend, I took my mom and Brandy to see the Phantom. I purchased the tickets back in December, and gave them as Christmas gifts. Really, it was kind of a selfish gift in a way, since I was buying a ticket for myself, no matter what. Needless to say, everyone enjoyed the performance.

However, during the performance, I found myself going off on a tangent of thought.... not really something I should've been doing during an artistic performance, but hey, it happens. I could see the orchestra clearly, from my seat, and focussed in on the flautists. At that moment, sheer and utter disappointment flooded over me - I so wanted to be down there, in the pit, playing my heart out for all to hear. I decided to let it go, and enjoy the performance, but that little voice has creeped back into my head.

It got me thinking about where I am now and what I'm doing, and it's a far cry from where I thought I'd be. I always thought that some day I'd have an artistic career, preferably in music. Instead, here I am, behind a desk all day long, processing payroll, and doing all the mundane tasks that HR Assistants get stuck doing, and it's sucking the life and creativity right out of me.

Even school didn't work out the way I thought it would. I graduated with an English degree, and then went on for my HRM Certificate. I always thought I'd graduate with a Music degree and then go on to be a music teacher, a performer, or a conductor... ah, such lofty aspirations I once had.

So I'm experiencing a sort of buyer's regret over how things have unfolded thus far. Arrrrgh! How expensive this regret is, too... Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I end up re-analyzing my situation and realizing it's not really where I want to be.

Quasi-Celebrities and Nudity!

2007-02-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, that title got your attention, right?? I don't have a whole lot to report today, other than the following.

My brush with Quasi-Celebrity Fame: walking past Mike Bullard in the Yonge Eglinton Centre. Whoo whee, I didn't think I could contain my excitement any longer.

Note to the old naked guy in the window at the Double Tree Hotel... Yes, when the blinds are open, people can see you... even when it's starting to get dark out. The general population has no desire to see your wrinkly old bum or meat & two veg. It's just not right. However, I had to chuckle when I saw this guy, since Wes told me he saw a naked dude in the window across from his work, and had "gouged" his eyes out in response. An over-reaction, maybe, but funny all the same. I wonder if he used a spork... I compared notes with Wes, 4 windows over, and 4 down, it was the same guy!

Alright, that's all I've got. Really, how could I top a Quasi-Celeb & Nudity with anything else?

In My Absence...

2007-01-28T11:57:00.000-05:00

I've been absent from my blog for quite some time, basically because I spend too much time in transit between home & work, and by the time I get home, I want to just crash. Also, I find that on weekends, if I'm not out with my friends, my family knows how to keep me quite busy as well.

Hell, I hadn't even updated when I got my co-op job back in September. Speaking of which, some details...

I was hired as the HR Assistant for this not for profit insurance company, owned by the church of England. How weird this must seem for everyone... me, working at an establishment owned by the church. I too, thought I would burst into flames... Surprisingly though, there's less religious tension at this job than there was at the depot. Originally, my contract was to expire on December 31 ('06), but I got an unofficial extension through until the end of March. Of course, this means my rate of pay remained unchanges, and that I would also remain ineligible for the paid benefits. The only reason why I agreed to stay is for the experience.

Even now, I doubt why I opted to stay, when I could've extracted myself cleanly from all the problems, back in December. Everything seems so unorganized, there's no communication, and the lines of authority are completely messed up beyond belief. It's pretty bad when you have to ask the GM for approval, before you can order a clock for the lunch room... At this point, even if they were to offer me a full time, salaried position, I would decline.

Thus, my job search begins again

Parachutes R' us??

2006-09-05T18:00:00.000-04:00

Just an update on the clifhanger...

Well, I needed that parachute after all. Those rocks hurt!

The Curse of the Depot

2006-09-05T12:15:00.000-04:00

Does the House always win? It seems as if the answer to this question is yes... The house, being the depot, of course.

So last week was fairly eventful in terms of "The Great Depot Escape." I had an interview on Tuesday, and then the same place called me back for another interview on Wednesday. I was calm, collected, and super-prepared for both the interviews, and I left with a smile on my face thinking, "yes, I think I've finally done it." Or... so I'd thought. I even wrote a brief thank you email to the last group of interviewers, as it was really great to be called back. That said, the rest of the week goes by, nothing from them... Holiday on Monday, so of course nothing then. Then, on Tuesday morning (today), I get an email back, saying that while they really liked me, and were impressed with my qualifications, something came up in their office, which might make them no longer need the position I had applied for. I also got a promise that one of them would be contacting me today, to let me know for sure.

CRAP, CRAP & MORE CRAP! My future is on the edge of a cliff yet again... and the depot is at the bottom where all the sharp rocks live -- Anyone got a parachute?

Job Hunting is Hard Work

2006-08-09T17:05:00.000-04:00

Condemned to wallow in misery @ the Depot?

So this job/co-op job search is going nowhere... FAST! I've applied for close to 50 jobs, had one interview, and that's it. The co-op site tells you when you're rejected, and I'm finding I have a huge problem with it. Apparently NO is the hardest word I've had to deal with ever. It just seems like I'm going through the same viscious cycle yet again - School, apply for jobs, more school, apply for more jobs... I just want to get on with the rest of my life, maybe get a little apartment all to myself. I really didn't think that was too much to ask for - apparently, I'm wrong on this too. I know if I don't get a co-op during the fall term, I can postpone it, but don't want to postpone my co-op term until January... I'd rather kill myself than continue working at the Depot for that long.

Interviews, Fun?!? Not really, just a near death experience.

2006-07-28T10:29:00.000-04:00

Wooo! Interviews are fun, and stuff like that. Transit, not so fun.

Okay, so yesterday's interview went quite well. It wasn't the most challenging interview I'd ever done, but the questions were very relevant and well thought out. I managed to refer to my portfolio for a couple of items, to back up what I was saying, but I didn't want to go through the entire thing. There just wasn't time for that, nor did the interviewers want to sit there and just be bored to death by pretentiousness. The items I did use, suprisingly, were from my graphic design section... I didn't really expect to rely on those items, but they asked for a time in which I used my creativity to solve a problem. What's more creative than creating posters as a way to increase sales/business?

Getting to the interview was pretty easy. I left at 8:45 from my house, because I wanted some time at the GO station to relax and enjoy a muffin & juice. The trip included 1 HSR bus, GO Transit to Long Branch, and then one Mississauga bus. I managed to get to the company about 50 minutes early for my interview... Mississauga transit's trip planner calculated that it'd take approximately 20 minutes to walk down Courtneypark Drive, from Dixie Rd (where the bus let me off). I don't know how slow they expect people to walk, but it was a 10 minute walk, even wearing a pair of heels.

Getting home should have been just as easy... just reverse the order of transit systems. It was, until my bus got into an accident at Dixie & Bloor. The bus had stopped (at a bus stop), let people on and off, and then, I heard a huge bang. 2 cars collided with each other behind the bus, and because of their impact, they rear ended the bus, hopped the curb, and smashed into a fence. No one on the bus was hurt... the bumper, and lights on the back of the bus had seen better days though. The bus driver has to get everyone off the bus, and he's like, "there'll be another bus" but didn't say when. The drivers of both cars were a bit banged up though, seeing as they'd both impacted the bus, as well as each other.

I made friends with the lady who sat in front of me, and told her I wasn't familiar with the area, and wondered if there was another way to get back to Long Branch GO. She told me to follow her, that she wasn't about to wait for the next Dixie Rd. bus either, that she usually gets off at Bloor anyways. She told me to follow her, and that she'd get me on the right busses to get me home sometime sooner than waiting for the next bus.

I ended up taking the Bloor bus to the Islington subway/bus station, had to pay another fare of $2.75 to use the TTC, and took a bus from there back to Long Branch. There's no direct GO trains from Long Branch to Hamilton, plus my stomach was growling and a headache was beginning... I'd only eaten the muffin, so I decided to get off at Oakville, and buy something to eat. I should have been home by 5 pm (without the accident), but instead I was just getting the train at Oakville station at that time.

In total, 4 different transit systems in one day was interesting, but not very fun.

Sick + Summer = Bummer

2006-07-22T23:52:00.000-04:00

Sickness in the middle of Summer?

Apparently it is fully possible for me to get sick at any time, regardless of the season. So far, I've called in sick 2 days this week, and I know that no matter what, I can't afford to be off tomorrow. I have to work. No question about it. While under normal circumstances, I would love to have enjoyed my days off, I instead, have found myself sleeping all day, not eating solid foods, and having a hard time just being awake in general. Overworked? Quite possibly that's why I'm sick.

A Closet Full of Nothing

2006-07-20T10:28:00.000-04:00

What to wear, what to wear....?!?

Alrighty, so I've finally got an interview for a co-op position. My newest conundrum is arriving at an appropriate interview attire decision. I'm undecided as to how dressy I want to go, so I have a few options...

Wear my simple black dress (one I wore to a prom)with my longer pin-stripe jacket. The long jacket is the only option with this, as there are slits on either side of the knee length dress. Good: it's a tried and true combination. Bad: it's the middle of summer, and I'll die of heat exahaution.
Wear my new black skirt with the tulle trim, a black shirt, and my white beaded jacket. Good: the skirt is totally appropriate, might not die in the heat. Bad: not sure if this look actually works.
Wear my strapless dress I wore to my Uni. Grad, along with the same white beaded jacket I'd worn with it. Good: I looked good in the outfit back in April '05. Bad: the dress is a floral print... quite bold actually. Doesn't scream formality.

Garrr! Sometimes being a girl sucks. At least I know which shoes I'm going to wear.

Depressed? Why yes, I am...

2006-07-12T18:15:00.000-04:00

While I'm usually pretty good with disappointments, seeing as I've been dealt my fair share thus far in life, today's disappointments really got me down. Like usual, I put all my hopes on one particular job posting, and thought I had a really decent chance for it... or at least an interview. I'd also applied for another job at the same time, although I wasn't as attracted to the position. Today, I check the postings, and my applications and note that the less desirable job said NO to an interview. I thought, alright, good - I don't have to waste my energy with that one... I just had to wait on the other posting. Less than 10 minutes pass, and I get my answer on the job I really wanted... a big, fat NO. To make things sting even more, as luck would have it, my classmate beside me, was one of the 3 chosen ones for the interviews. I managed not to get upset at my own circumstance, and I'm truly happy that they decided to interview her - she's totally competent, and she really wants the positon too.

While I wasn't really upset earlier in the day, the more time I've had to think about it, the more upset I'm actually feeling. (I know this is derived from my irrational fear of being stuck at the Depot for all eternity.) Although I know I'm being way too hard on myself by saying this, but being shut down twice within a span of a few minutes, makes me feel as though I'm never going to be quite good enough for any other job. It also doesn't make me want to put myself out there again, and potentially get slammed with another fury of "NOs"

Perhaps a good long bath, a bit of crying, to vent my frustration is the key to getting over this mental block I've now put in place.

Dr. Phil, eat your heart out!

2006-07-07T21:25:00.000-04:00

Move over Dr. Phil... Captain Obvious is putting you out of business... well, maybe.

I'd like to believe that part of my charm is my ability to listen, and give proper, sound advice when people ask for it. I try not to judge... honestly - it's not my decision to say what's right and what's wrong for someone else, but I will give my opinion, when asked. I'm quite used to the typical, "how do I know if he/she likes me" kind of advice, but lately, people have been asking things that go beyond my circle of knowledge and experience. That said, I think I've dealt with these queries as unbiased and politely as I possibly can.

Without naming names and going into too many details, I've been asked by several people, for advice on their sex lives... something which I would never proclaim to be an expert on, unlike Sue the sex lady, or Dr. Ruth, for example. I think it's hard to be an expert on a subject when you've just barely scratched the surface, based on your own personal experience. I realise I'm approachable, definitely a forward-thinking feminist, and that I'm a good source of advice (usually) - so I'm wondering, does this make up for my own so-called lack of experience? There's definately some situations that have been brought to my attention, that I know I wouldn't like to be in myself, but is that really enough for me to go on? On one hand, yes I do think that more "experience" (as I put it), would be nice to have, eventually, and would be beneficial when giving advice on said topic, but on the other hand, I'm quite comfortable with my experience status at this point in my life.

Cheating!!!

2006-06-27T15:10:00.000-04:00

Low-down dirty cheaters... I say make 'em walk the plank! Yaaaaar, Matey!

So if you can't tell by the obvious title, I've had an encounter with a Cheating, Two-faced liar... albeit, not a guy, but a classmate. You'd think that in a post-graduate programme, that all the students would be honest, and would be more mature than grade school students, but nooooo, that assumption would be wrong. There's this one girl in my class who (on numerous occasions) has been caught cheating by another classmate. We've brought it to our instructors' attention, but it seems as if nothing is going to be done about it. This makes me very angry because it makes my education that I'm getting (and paying for) seem worthless, since the cheating has gone un-punished. The worst part of the situation is that this girl just brags the entire time about getting super-high marks. Garrrrrrr! I just know that if I ever attempted cheating, I'd be kicked out of school so fast it'd make my head spin, and the imaginary parrot on my shoulder would no longer have a home...

Blarrrrrgh! just about sums it up.

2006-06-23T11:22:00.000-04:00

Blarrrrrgh!

I'm beyond tired today - haven't been sleeping right, and I'm not sure why. Perhaps stress is playing a large part in it. I'm still worried about my finances... how I'm going to afford the next 2 months - school, busses, bills, other expenses, and ultimately getting a new job (or actually a co-op job).... Worrying sucks!

Rocks & Hard Places

2006-06-21T13:38:00.000-04:00

Hello Rock, meet Hard Place... wait, we've all met before.

Frig… just like usual, I end up with no cell service because of the stupidity of my provider. Now, I’m out of touch with basically everyone, until my provider pulls their heads from their butt and fixes this issue. I called during a break between classes today, got nowhere with a representative, and got talked down to like I was a 2 year old. I explained my circumstances, that I didn’t have a full time position right now, but that I was making an honest effort to have bi-weekly payments (albeit not the full amount, but at least it’s something… or so I thought). At least I’m not avoiding the bills… I’m just financially strapped at this point, and so I’m just trying to make it… barely.

Apparently, the last email communication went un-noted, as I explained that calling me on my cell during the day is not convenient, that they will only get my voicemail because I can’t answer the phone during class or work. Yet again, I get calls from their automated dialler, at all points in the day when I can’t physically answer the phone. How stupid are they?!?!?!?!?

This (for lack of a better word), asshat who I talked to today even went so far as to threaten to cancel my service… hrm… that would be a better alternative to the lack of service I currently receive, so be my friggin guest. They want to cancel it, fine, but I’m not paying anything extra. They’ll get what I owe them and nothing more. Seems to me like I’ve had this argument with them before. Garrrrrr.

On another note, ever work in a group to find you’re the only one (or two) that actually work?

For most of my classes, I’ve got group work, which until this term, I’ve been able to find like-minded people who put in the effort and actually do work. This term, I ended up in one group where 4 out of the 6 of us hauled ass in order to get the job done. We of course, got perfect on the assignment, but so did the other 2 people who didn’t contribute. Now, I’m in another group (5 people this time), and only 2 of us are actually doing any work whatsoever. The other 3 just expect to tag along for the ride. Today, they all offered to do something finally, but the help was too little, too late. The written part of the assignment’s due this Thursday, and we’re also presenting this Thursday. At this point, we should be (and are) finished… no thanks to the 3 of them. On one hand, I feel as though I’ve been too harsh on them, but if I can work, go to school, complete assignments, and make it to group meetings (commuting by bus & train), then the 3 of them should be able to at least go to school, complete assignments, and make it to group meetings. They also commute, but it’s one friggin bus… not 1 bus, 1 train, and another bus to finish off the trip… not to mention 1.5 hours each way.

I’m in the middle of another job search – hoping for a good co-op placement, which results in a full time job, or a great full time job that I can use as my co-op placement. Right now though, it seems as though there’s no jobs available, either on the campus co-op site, or on the regular job sites…. $6300 plus all my other expenses doesn’t seem quite worth it at this point.

Yet again, where is the rock I’d like to just crawl under for all eternity… or at least for a little while?

It's Quitting Time?

2006-05-12T23:59:00.000-04:00

To quit or not to quit... that is the question weighing heavily on my mind. I had hoped to quit today, and even had my resignation letter completely typed, signed, and sealed, but alas, I have not quit - I wasn't able to find another job. This pisses the hell out of me that I've sent out so many resumes, but no one wants to give me a chance. I've got soooo much experience, but I guess that doesn't count, and is overshadowed by my so-called insane amount of education. Part-time jobs, right now are few and far between, and what makes it worse is that there are so many full time postings I could apply for if I'd done this HR thing back in September! Frig...

You Smell Good??? WTF?

2006-05-03T01:06:00.000-04:00

What do you say when someone says, "You Smell Good"?

Alrighty, I've seen my share of weirdos, and dealt with my share of them not only while on the bus, but while dealing with the public at work. So Sunday, I'm busting my tail at the Depot, like usual, and get asked to help a guy find a paper shredder... Alrighty, not a problem, I've bullshitted my way through university, a stupid paper shredder sale is no problem whatsoever! The guy was totally unimpresed that a "Dumb Girl" was helping him, rather than one of the so-called "Techno-geeks". Needless to say, I sold him a shredder, and an extended warranty, by talking out of my butt... I really don't know every thing there is to know about shredders, but come on, how hard is it? - you stick your paper in the slot, and ooooh, it shreds your paper into tiny little pieces. The hardest part is figuring out how to turn it on, and clear a jam, should it happen. As I'm bringing the product to the cash register, the customer says to me, "I just thought I'd let you know, I like your perfume, you smell good." I honestly didn't know how to respond, so I just said thanks, and tried to leave him with the cashier... which didn't work. I got stuck ringing in the sale, and as part of the warranty process, I had to ask for his phone number, to register the warranty. Of course, he's like "Now you know my name, and my phone number," and winks at me. Man, if he'd been in his 20s and actually not a skeezy older man, then I'd be pretty happy about the entire situation - however, in reality, 40s, balding, and just plain scary, really doesn't work well for me. ~shudders~ I need a new job!

2006-04-16T23:59:00.000-04:00

All seems to be right with the world, again.

After all the issues I had yesterday, and with how today went, this weekend has been one huge emotional roller coaster ride. Saturday was a huge low point for me, and all joking aside, I really do think I was out of my mind yesterday. I'm quite certain that my outburst yesterday was an explosion of emotion, brought about by several things not going quite the way I had envisioned... that and the fact that working at the depot makes me utterly crazy.

2006-04-15T21:54:00.000-04:00

Happy 25th... er, then again, maybe not. This entire blog might sound selfish, but I'm using the excuse, "it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to..." Just a reminder, this entry's really not aimed at anyone in particular. I'm just writing exactly how I feel.

I've got less than three hours left before I turn 25, and I should be out having the time of my life, but instead, it's just before 10 pm and I'm at home in my pyjamas. No, I'm not sick, it seems as though everyone forgot about me. I'm so angry and sad at the same time, I'm not sure if I should be crying, or if I should be punching holes in inatimate objects. I know it's Easter weekend, but it would have been great if at least one person said that they'd like to do something either this weekend, or that they'd like to postpone any B-day festivities to a later date... at least then I wouldn't have been left hanging. Right now, I feel like I'm the biggest loser in the entire world. I thought that maybe, just one year, I'd have a great birthday -- one that I'd always look back on fondly. I have yet to have one of those birthdays. Instead, I'll always remember my 25th as the year I realized exactly how alone I really am. As I'm writing this, I'm looking around my room and also realizing that part of my problem is my inner geekiness.... maybe it's poking its head out and taking over my "outer" self now. No one wants to be friends with the geek, it's just not cool. Wow, I thought I'd never experience a "life-crisis" of any kind -- turns out my quarter life crisis/lifelesson is the discovery that I really don't know what exactly true friendship and belonging really is. This is making me question the friendships I've had for years, and the new ones I think I've made... perhaps being an outsider is easier than all this crap I'm feeling.

2006-03-07T17:42:00.000-05:00

STRIKE!!! = BLESSING IN DISGUISE?!?!?

Alright, while most other college students I know are freaking out about the strike, I'm taking it as being a total blessing in disguise. My programme has me commuting 4 hours daily between Hamilton & Oakville, using 3 separate transit systems, 5 days a week. Then on weekends, in order to pay for college, I'm commuting another 4 hours daily between Hamilton & Burlington, just to work at my crappy, underpaid part time job at the depot. Needless to say, all this travelling, school, homework, and work has made me very tired, and extremely sick. Instead of revelling in the glory of an "extended reading week", I will be attempting to battle the last of my flu. I haven't seen outside since the 5th, and I've been in pyjamas since I got home from work that same day (excluding showers... they have to come off sometime). Today alone, I've made and consumed two rather large pots of tea, and I'll be working on the third, by the time 8pm rolls around. Solid food at this time eludes me completely, and I would probably die for something as simple as a piece of dry toast right now. I'm promising myself that I will be 110% better by the time Friday comes around, seeing as I really don't want to be sick at work again. Being sick at home is much easier than being sick someplace where you can't get comfortable, and have to pretend that everything is perfect.

Oh, and one more thing, I'd like to thank whatever holy entity wants to take credit for the invention known as neo citran... I'd probably be feeling far worse now if I wasn't taking it.

2006-03-03T21:10:00.000-05:00

I'm so ready to just curl up and sleep for an eternity! This week off school has not been a vacation at all. Earlier this week I was concentrating on my job search, and working on my one project due in the middle of my reading week. Thursday, I had to travel to school, hand in the project, and meet with my group for another class. Then today (Friday) I picked up an extra shift at work. Usually for my past reading weeks I've gone away for at least a weekend, just to get away from it all and regroup.

I feel frazzled, stressed, and sooooo incredibly tired. As soon as I'm done school & the co-op, I think I'm going on vacation... somewhere warm, with many pools, and free drinks with umbrellas in them.

2006-03-01T11:46:00.000-05:00

And I thought procrastination was just for the student-kind!

I'm attempting to get some assignments done today, one of which is due tomorrow. I've been working on this journal assignment since the beginning of February, but it's taking me forever to get it done. I've also got an interview assignment due next week, which I had started as well, back on February 6th, giving the person I emailed the questions to, plenty of time to get their responses back to me, so I could finish that assignment. Needless to say, I'm still waiting for the answers to the questions I sent. I sent another email today, reminding her that I need her responses asap, so I can assemble the assignment. Of course, I get an out of office reply, and she won't be in the office from yesterday, through to Friday. So, yet again, my attempts to get work accomplished are foiled by a procrastinator. What I don't understand is why she agreed to help in the first place, if she knew she either wouldn't have the time to help, or if she just didn't want to help. Gaaaaarrrrrrrrrrr! it's so sad when I'm the only responsible one. Now, I've got a few decisions/choices to make:

1. Hold my breath that she'll respond in time for me to hand it in.
2. Try to find another person, last minute to answer the questions.
3. Answer the questions myself, and lie, saying that I did indeed interview someone.

Ethically, #3 is totally out of the question, and not how I'm supposed to do the assignment. The assignment itself is supposed to be largely a learning experience.

#2 could make me seem foolish to the person I approach for the interview, but seems the most appropriate choice, and #1 kind of leaves me hanging with the possibility that my assignment won't get done in time.

I've definitely learned something already... If you want something done, don't rely on anyone else to help you. Man, I hate depending on people, just because I've been let down far too many times, especially in groupwork situations.

2006-02-08T13:15:00.000-05:00

Today seems like the never-ending day. I made it to school fine, but now that I'm here, I'm ready to go home. While the instructor for the first class is nice & all, I find the class pointless. I could just read this stuff, and be done with it. I'm not looking forward to the next class though... it's more of a waste of time than this. I have better things to do with my time than go over the same stuff she's been talking about since the first class.

2006-02-06T16:18:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt like what you were doing was pointless?

Today was one of those days. I'm sitting in class, and realising that all I'm hearing is "blah, blah, blah..." This is the most useless and pointless class I've ever had to sit through. The instructor keeps drilling the same useless information into our heads.... and then I remember exactly how much I'm paying for this waste of time. Honestly, no one in the class is paying any attention to her, and yet she goes on and on, and on like the energizer bunny. The only typing that's going on are those of us who are doing other things like talking on msn, writing emails, writing blogs, working on other assignments... and yet she doesn't notice. I've got 35 minutes of this bull$&^! left. Garrrr! I want to leave NOW!

2006-02-02T12:27:00.000-05:00

Happy Groundhog Day!

I woke up this morning, feeling excellent, only to have my stomach cause issues. That said, I think I've figured out my problem through a bit of self-diagnosis. Hear this, cows of the world, I am refraining from eating beef, you are now safe from being eaten... at least by me. I've only come to this conclusion because of how I've felt after eating spaghetti & meatballs last week, and then eating meatloaf last night. Of course, I could always be wrong, but I'd prefer to be safe than sorry. Luckily there's other meat options out there that I can eat without feeling ill. The only good thing about feeling not quite right today, is that I'm getting the much needed relaxation I've been missing because I'm in school/working 24/7.

2006-01-27T20:41:00.000-05:00

Alright, today was considerably suckier than yesterday… yes that’s right boys and girls, life has thrown yet another curveball, and I’ve managed to strike out so far… 3rd time’s the charm, which means 1 more series of unfortunate events ~hehe… thought of the movie~ and I may as well just give up on the entire going to school thing.

I found out that my osap entitlements got reassessed, because of the piddly little income I estimated for the 8 months that I’ll be in school. Honestly, working 2 days a week is not really even worth the money, but I can’t just quit my job, since I have other bills that have to be paid. At this point, even with every single penny I’m estimating I’ll bring in (not subtracting income tax & other deductions), I’ll be short money during the 8 months of school.

I’ve already applied for a needs based bursary, which I’m told everyone gets to help them out. That said, I’ll still be strapped for cash. Now I’ve got 2 more forms to fill out before the financial aid department can even help me. There’s another general bursary, for which I have to show my budget for the school year, and there’s a form to fill out to dispute the change in osap funding because of my transportation costs. At least someone listened to me this time though, and provided the forms… unlike last time around. I’m getting quite annoyed with having to tell more than one person about my situation, in an attempt to get things fixed. For the next little bit, I will become a hermit… yes, a hermit - - seeing as I can’t afford to do anything except for go to school, return home, and work on weekends.

On top of everything, I get to the GO station, I’m on the right platform, and for some reason or other, the Westbound train pulls in on another track… We run to catch the train, I get stuck with the slowest moving person in the world in front of me going up the stairs, and I get to watch the doors close in my face.

A nice rock to live under would be nice… somewhere where the bill collectors and everyone else who wants my money can’t find me, and where trains don’t exist either.

2006-01-26T20:36:00.000-05:00

Today was relatively uneventful, and time seemed to go by extremely fast. During my first class, I looked at the clock thinking that only 15 minutes had passed since class started; however, I realised there was only 45 minutes left from a 2 hour class. And then my second class of the day was over in a flash as well. If only all of my days were like this, then I wouldn’t feel so tired on the way home. I think today seemed much better than every other day for the past three weeks, since I didn’t have that missing tuition payment hanging over my head. I just hope that OSAP comes in sooner rather than later, so I can pay off some bills and buy the rest of my books.

In all, it seemed as if I got more accomplished today than since term started at the beginning of January. I dropped of my bursary application, and even travelled to Toronto to get my student ID for GO transit. Although, I may be a wee bit more depressed tomorrow when I actually shell out more money for transportation.

2006-01-25T20:41:00.000-05:00

Woo Whee!!!! School troubles straightened out, I hope!

So finally today, things have improved. I got the trace back from the bank yesterday, proving I paid the $ to the school. So today, I approached the financial services department to straighten this problem out once and for all. I got my student ID card finally, my osap was released, and I got the application for the student GO pass... FINALLY!

Yay, I've got no complaints for today... so far.

2006-01-17T12:36:00.000-05:00

Well it's been a very interesting first few weeks of the new year. I've made it through the first full week, and now I'm progressing into my second week. I still have the "unpaid" fees hanging over my head, and I'm waiting for the bank & the school to work together to fix this problem. I can't get my student ID, can't pick up my osap, can't afford my books, and can't get student fares for the GO train.... I'm stuck waiting, and it really sucks large. Garrrrr! I really can't wait for this to be fixed.

On a more positive note, I'm enjoying most of my classes... there's just one that I'm finding is a waste of time, but I think it's because the instructor isn't very organized. Surprisingly, I'm really liking the Industrial Relations, which I went into thinking that I'd be bored out of my skull. Yay, a good surprise for a change!

I'm just not sure how long I'm going to be able to last with the 5 days of school, and then working on Saturdays and Sundays. That said, working only on the weekends has totally reopened my eyes about why I liked working at the Depot to begin with. I know, this is strange, especially since the Depot has been the bane of my existence for so long...

2006-01-10T22:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Festivus, from the Rest of Us!

Yes, there's actually a sign out there that says this... and it makes me laugh every time I pass by it. (If you're looking to see it, it's on the outside of the sports equipment store by General Hospital, right next to Tim Horton's.) So began my day :) At 6am, I definitely needed something to laugh about! I was actually aiming for the Go train leaving around 6:30, but ended up catching the earlier train... which worked out perfectly anyways. Then, leaving school, I ended up catching the train directly home, rather than transferring onto a bus, which was pretty awesome for me. So overall, today gets 2 thumbs up.

2006-01-06T01:53:00.000-05:00

Update to the story below....

At 5:20 pm, the music finally died, which was 1/2 an hour longer than I had expected...

I went to the orientation, and this lady from the business department, bless her soul, had been fighting on my behalf all day long. She got everything changed for me, and I got to pick up my laptop tonight. Not only that, but my schedule is finally available! I met most of the people in my programme tonight... there's under 40 people who were selected from a couple of hundred applicants. Everyone seems really really nice, and one lady even offered to drive me to the Oakville GO station, so that I didn't have to take the bus. Unfortunately, I had to wait around for the laptop training.

The training ended around 9ish, so I trucked it over to the bus stop, only to find out that I didn't have to rush... the bus doesn't come until 9:13 to be exact. At the GO station, I was certain the train had already left, but I saw it as the bus pulled in... so I cancelled my ride, and attempted to get on the westbound train. This dumb lady plowed right into me, knocking me over, and thereby making me fall and miss my train. Of course excuse me wasn't in her vocabulary. Later on, I tried calling home to let my dad know that I'd be later, and the same dumbass bumped into me again. I lost it on her, and I didn't care. Because of her, I was stuck waiting another hour for the next train.

I'm home and comfy now, and all the hardships of the day will soon be forgotten... as soon as I go to bed :P

2006-01-05T16:30:00.000-05:00

Today's interactions have led me to wholly believe that something is trying to keep me stuck at the depot. Yet again, my efforts to proceed with my education are thwarted. The bank is doing a trace on the money that the school says they never got. The lady at the bank tried to get information for me right then and there, but she didn't have access to that information. My life is now put on hold for another 2 weeks while I wait for the trace to arrive in the mail. Because of this, I can't pick up my loan, so I can't get my books. I still don't have a schedule, and it seems as though no one cares. I'm shuffled around from department to department, and the only answer I get is "Sorry, I can't help you with that." I'm quickly finding myself getting more and more depressed over the entire situation. If only I would have had enough time to physically deliver the money to school, rather than use the ATM... then I wouldn't be dealing with this huge mess.

I don't even know if I should stay for the orientation session. Watch them tell me I can't participate because my fees are allegedly unpaid. Maybe I should just tell someone at the registrar's office to refund my money, that I'm sick of all this bull... although then, I'm stuck with my money in limbo, and I'll be resigned to work at the depot, pretending that I'm happy with my job. I'm sick of lying to the managers and customers that I love my job, and that I'm oh so loyal to the compay. To be honest, a small part of me wishes that I would have been the one to rip the company off for thousands of dollars...

I've still got to wait 2 hours before this orientation session starts... I really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to stay, in the hope that someone will take pity on me for this huge mix up, while the other part of me wants to run from this place, screaming. I don't know how much more rejection I can be subjected to before I snap. I've been made to feel as if this entire situation is my fault, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. The next person who tells me "I can't help you, your fees aren't paid," will be rightly told to piss off. Neither the school or the bank want to take responsibility for this problem, and each institution keeps on blaming the other. The entire situation is out of my hands, and I am not assuming responsibility for this, nor will I be further penalized for someone else's incompetence.

All I want to do is go to school. I've kept my end of the bargain, so I don't think it's too much to ask.

I've also come to the realization that at some point, my palm is going to run out of battery juice, and I'll be left sitting here in silence, stewing over everything that's gone wrong thusfar. If it lasts another 15 minutes, I'll be extremely surprised.

One large accomplishment for the day is that I've managed to take 4 different transit systems in one day! HSR, Burlington Transit, GO Transit, and Oakville Transit. I truly think I'm the "Greenest" person I know, at least for today, seeing as I've used that many public transit systems.

2006-01-04T21:59:00.000-05:00

Really not a great day...

So I go to school to pickup and register my laptop, only to find that even though my fees are "paid in full" when I check the website, the school still hasn't marked that I've paid anything. Because they have no record of payment, I'm not allowed to pick up my laptop or get my student ID made. Right after the really nice guy from the school told me he couldn't do anything more to help me, even though he'd like to, I holed myself away in the nearest bathroom stall to vent my frustration. 10 minutes, and a couple of mascara smudged, red eyeballs later, I'm on the bus, and on my way back home. Needless to say, I wasted 3 hours of my day travelling to and from Oakville, on top $10 in bus/train fare. I've got to waste more of my day tomorrow, calling the bank again, trying to get everything straightened out, even though I was told everything was processed correctly. AAAAAAARGH!

2006-01-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

Running out of time?!?!?!

Yet another year has gone by. It's so strange how fast time seems to progress each year. The older I get, the faster it goes. For example, at 5 years old, one minute would seem like an eternity. Now at 24, a minute never seems long enough for anything. I never used to pay attention to time, and now it seems like time is always on my mind. I also worry about time... "Do I have enough time to do...? How long will it take me to do this? Will leaving at __ time make me late, early, or right on time?!?" Yes, I sound like a nutcase. The list could go on, and on forever. I feel so restricted, yet at the same time (there's that word again), I'm comforted by knowing that time is constant, not something that will just stop one day, out of the blue. Maybe one day I'll stop obsessing so much with time in every sense of the word.

2006-01-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

My first post of the New Year!

Okay, so New Year's Eve was not the typical party night... but when is it ever a typical party night for my friends and I???? I really preferred they way things went this year. It was relaxed, no-rush, and completely fun. Our girls' night in consisted of a nice dinner, and then sitting around reading "trashy chick magazines", doing the quizzes in said trashy chick magazines, watching a movie, missing the ball drop in NY, because we forgot about it :P, playing video games, and just not caring about what we as young adult women were "supposed" to be doing on New Years.

Frankly, partying it up at a bar, getting so shitfaced that you don't even know your own name, and ending up hooking up with some guy whom you'll never see again after that night, just doesn't seem like fun to me...

Things I learned this New Year's Eve (that I didn't already know)....
According to the "TCMs" and the quizzes from the "TCM's", I am a nice medium between Ice Queen and Approachable, I more closely align with Angelina Jolie, than I do Jennifer Anniston, and I am relatively good at decoding so-called "guy-speak" and body language". Oh, and I can't forget my educating experience reading the guy dictionary... Motor Boat... ROTFLMAO! Honestly, I would have never guessed.

2005-12-25T12:49:00.000-05:00

Santa was good to me, was he good to you??

So yesterday, being Christmas Eve, we had our annual "Let's eat perogies until we can't eat any more..." dinner. This Christmas is kinda different than every other year for a few reasons. Brenda had to work today, so we couldn't open gifts on Christmas morning like we always do. Plus, this year, she's going to her boyfriend's family's place for dinner. There was no way we were waiting until she got home today, sometime closer to 5/6ish, so instead we opened everything last night. Not a bad tradition to begin... Opening gifts and seeing what everyone gets is always super-fun, especially when it's not actually Christmas morning :)

2005-12-23T23:44:00.000-05:00

Merry Freaking Christmas to you too, buddy!

Yet again, the true spirit of Christmas comes along, just like it does every year, and bites me in the arse.

There was actually a time when people could survive the days leading up to Christmas without having extended shopping hours... go figure. This time, the super-intelligent people who lead everything at the depot decided to keep us open until 10pm tonight. I counted 6 people in the store until 10:50, and then all hell broke loose. Of course, when you tell people the store is closing, they're like, "Already? I just got in here!" WTF?!?!?!?! I'm so sick of this "I'm the customer, cater to my every whim" bullshit that they all pull. GARRRRRRRR! when will my life sentence in the world of retail be over???

2005-12-15T02:16:00.000-05:00

Okay, so yet another tale from the back of the bus...

Yesterday night, I'm on the Brant St. bus, heading towards downtown Burlington. This wannabe gangster guy gets on the bus at the go station, and sits right at the back of the bus. I really didn't pay much attention to him since I was reading a copy of the 24 magazine and enjoying my super duper extra large tea. All of a sudden, he starts talking, saying "yo, yo, yo..." I figured he was talking to someone on a cellphone. Nope, I was wrong. He was listening to music, and was "yo-yoing" along with the music. Then, he starts with the rapper style hand movements, and is kicking his feet in the air. For a second there, I actually thought he was having a seizure or something, and I was going to turn around to ask if he was okay, until I saw him dancing (while seated) in the reflection in the window. No, he wasn't having a medical emergency, rather, he thought he was the coolest, most baddest ass on the face of the planet. So, I decided not to turn around, for fear of laughing directly at him. Even now, just thinking about it makes me laugh. I wonder, do I ever look that stupid when I listen to music on the bus???? I try to be careful not to sing or dance along to whatever I'm listening to, but sometimes I catch myself if I'm not concentrating on anything. Nah, I'd never look stupid, I'd fit right in... if I'm on a hamilton bus :D

2005-12-12T23:04:00.000-05:00

Busses.... Garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Okay, so today, I make it to the bus stop early for a change, and the bus never shows up. So I'm thinking, man, I'm early for the bus, but I'm gonna be late for work... go figure! The bus finally arrives, and it's not overly packed, but most people are sitting in the aisle seats, and not moving over or letting anyone sit beside them. This of course is one of my pet peeves. I don't think people realise that their bags or their imaginary friends didn't pay bus fare, and aren't actually entitled to a seat on the bus. I say, move your crap, move over, and make room for someone else to sit down! The bus finally gets downtown, with enough time for me to catch the Burlington bus that'll actually get me to work on time. I take my normal seat at the back of the bus, and this stupid jackass sits in the singular sideways facing seat in front of me. She then plunks down her backpack on the seat next to mine, making me look like an asshole for taking up an empty seat on the bus. Needless to say, I chucked her shit off the seat beside me to make room for someone else. I'm not really sure if she said anything to me, because I had my music on really, really loud. She got the hint though, and for the rest of the trip, she held onto her bag, and glared at me. Too bad lady. Next time, don't be such an asshole and take up the seat beside me on the bus with your parcels and other stuff. The lesson I learned from all this: Sometimes a bad mood is actually a good thing!

2005-12-10T23:36:00.000-05:00

Actually having serious thoughts can be very unsettling... After a fun-filled evening with my friend, I come home and start thinking about every single thing that's going on in not only my own life, but in every one elses' lives. I'm at a point where I'm contemplating several options, one of which is quitting my part-time, highly underpaid job at the depot, and not having another job lined up beforehand. Another thing bugging me lately is that I'm not sure if I'll ever actually have the independence I need and the relationship I want. I know I don't need someone else to make me a whole person, but at the same time, I want someone else around to share stuff with. I also want independence in the form of my own place. Living at home is becoming more and more trying. I love my family, but I truly think it's time for me to move away... soon! I want so much to just be a grownup, contributing member of society, who can afford a nice apartment, a nice little compact car, and can afford to pay bills in full every single month. I don't believe I'm asking for too much, but I'm having a difficult time realising these wishes.

2005-12-09T10:18:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's been a few very turbulent days for me... yesterday I find out that my payment I made back in mid-November to Sheridan never made it there, althought the money's out of my account. So, there's a distinct possibility that I may not have a place in the programme. I've also come to the conclusion that working at the Depot is keeping me in complete and total poverty. If I'm stuck there much longer, bankruptcy seems to be the only way to deal with all the bills I can't pay. Most of my money has gone towards bus fare in order to get to and from work. It's quite maddening. On top of that, my boss seems to think that it's appropriate to book me in for 5 hour shifts. Sure, wouldn't be a problem if I didn't commute by bus to work. I spend 4 hours on busses, and waiting for busses every single day I have to work. 2 hours there, 2 hours back. On a good day, an hour and a half is plausible, but that means every single bus has to be on time. I've applied for a part time job in my own city, and I'm just hoping that I get it. That'll cut my travel time to maybe 25 minutes. Today's just one of those days I could call in sick and stay curled up in bed, just so I don't have to waste my day riding the busses.

2005-11-26T23:50:00.000-05:00

My Amazingly Great, Fantabulous, Most Awesome Day!

In list format... my day went as follows:

I went shopping, twice. Once with my dad, once with my mom.
Got a pair of Christmas undies... yes, that's right, Christmas underwear!
Met a new friend.
Had the most amazing Pineapple Chicken Curry... EVER!
Saw Rent at The Movie Palace... that place rocks!
Shared thoughts with one of my best friends over a cup of tea @ timmies.
Had 2 really nice bus drivers. The Bayfront driver caught up to the Barton bus for me, and the Barton driver waited. HSR doesn't always suck.

I will end this most awesome day by crawling under the really comfy covers on my bed and sleeping as long as I want... I don't have to wake up early tomorrow, or go to work! Thus, I'm all set for another awesomely good day on Sunday.

2005-11-25T23:50:00.000-05:00

Things that bugged me today...

Getting stuck between two people on the bus who reeked like ash trays... EWWWWWW! Not only did they smell horrible, but they practically sat on my lap, thus squishing me, and surrounding me even further with their stench.

Sitting on a Burlington bus, being annoyed by a stupid little kid kicking my seat... Thanks to his mother for sitting there and ignoring it, even after I asked her to stop him. May your kid get so hyped up on sugar that they NEVER sleep for a thousand years, and you get stuck staying up with them!

Working, and being told by stupid customers how to do my job.... um, hello.... who's working behind the counter?!? If you think you can do better, then be my guest. Lining up those little pieces of paper "perfectly" in a big laminating sheet isn't easy, is it dumbass?!?

The inconsiderate little twerp who decided she didn't want anyone sitting beside her on the bus, so she curled up and put her wet feet on the seat next to her. I hope the next time you're waiting for a bus, it passes you by because there's no room, because people are taking up more than one seat.

Thanks for coming out, and I'm stepping off the soapbox now.

2005-11-18T23:59:00.000-05:00

Wow! 2 Concerts for the Price of 1!

Alrighty, tonight as some of you know, was the night I got to see Lenny Kravitz and Aerosmith @ the ACC. It was my first, yes, I said FIRST real concert. Every other show I've been to for other bands & artists have been very inexpensive and at relatively small and sometimes unknown venues.

That said, it took us over 2 hours to get there, 'cause there was an accident on the highway by the Ford Plant.... yes, I recounted my story about the Ford Plant to my aunt, and she thought it was pretty freaking hilarious. For those of you who don't know the 411 on the Ford Plant, when I was little, right up to the ripe old age of 16, I used to think that EVERYONE at the Ford Plant drove the SAME brand new car... I know it's dumb, and that I should've known they were new cars waiting to be shipped, but Noooooo.... that's not how my mind worked. Anyways, it's a cute story.

Back to the concert....

So, I really, really enjoyed Lenny Kravitz. I knew every single song played, and it just totally rocked. Aerosmith was less great for me, as the majority of the songs were ones I had never heard of... written well before my time, albeit entertaining. That said, the entire thing was great. What I didn't really expect was to pay $4 for a bottle of rootbeer, but my hands were tied seeing as I was thirsty beyond belief, and it was cheaper than a $9 cup of beer that I wouldn't have enjoyed anyways. The $ spent on the rootbeer made it all the more precious and yummy.

The entire night was a great treat.

2005-11-01T11:01:00.000-05:00

A new month, a new start.... then again, maybe not!?!

So yesterday, being Hallowe'en and all, was pretty interesting. ALL the weirdos were out in full swing, and I was subjected to most of them. I'm standing at the bus stop (in partial costume btw), waiting so I can get to work. When I said I was in partial costume, I had my hair done in a "mini" Elvira style, the bat ears were ever so securely placed in my mountain of "big hair", and I had overly dramatic green eyeshadow and black eyeliner on. I didn't really look like too much of a freak, since I was wearing my usual clothing, and a coat. I was however, wearing a shorter skirt with a pair of black boots. This weirdo approaches the bus stop, and the first thing that pops into my head is, "for the love of god, don't let him wait here.... keep on walking...." I wasn't that lucky. He decides to strike up the most strange conversation with me, claiming that it's not Hallowe'en, the weather is signifying doomsday, and that he really needed some time to roll a joint. I do believe his need to inhale some smoke impeded upon his ability to figure out the weather is unpredictable because it's weather...why there were people in costumes, and houses completely decorated for Hallowe'en. The bus finally arrives, and I cart my wings, and other accessories to the back of the bus, to make room for other people.

Have I ever mentionned how much I hate the backwards facing seats on the wheelchair busses?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I get stuck facing this totally creepy, dirtier than a homeless person on the corner of King & James, guy. He proceeds to make small talk, asking me what I was dressing up as for Hallowe'en. I replied that I was being a vampire bat. (Oops, first mistake there.... never tell a weirdo you're dressing as a vampire anything!) He then claims that I'd make a beautiful vampire (something I do agree with, but EWWWWWWWWWW, coming from him.) The entire two blocks that he was on the bus, he tried getting my phone number, tried giving me his phone number, and completely creeped me out. He asked if I had a piece of paper and a pen, which THANK GOD, I didn't.... neither did he. What he didn't know is that I had a cell phone or my palm with me, both of which I could've put numbers in.... at this point, I'm just praying to every single entity out there.... "help?????" He asks the old guy sitting across the aisle for a piece of paper, and the guy looks at me, and says he doesn't have anything.... Halleujah, my prayers were answered!!! He misses his stop at Barton & Gage, and says, I frequent this cafe (somewhere on Wellington... I really wasn't listening)and invited me to meet him there on a Saturday, sometime. Riiiiiight.

At least my bus ride home was quiet. Two ladies at the front of the bus were dressed up as a faeirie and a princess... great costumes acutally, and they wished me a Happy Hallowe'en. That's all that happened, they weren't freaks, and no one sat beside me, probably because I had this look of, "talk to me, or look at me the wrong and I'll hurt you" on my face, the entire ride home. Being a Bitch pays off sometimes. I need to remember this more often.

The moral of the story is, if you want to find a guy in Hamilton, dress like a skank, do your hair and makeup like a drag queen, and say you like to dress up as a vampire... er bat, that is.

2005-10-28T20:18:00.000-04:00

Today is my official "second escape" from the Depot. I got my letter from Sheridan offering me a placement in the Human Resource programme, starting in January! This means no more full time grunt work, just school work.... and lots of it. I just worry that I made the right choice, but at the same time, I couldn't just wait around for nothing to happen. The only downside to the entire event is that it's going to cost another $6000+ for one more year of school. That said, if $6000 will get me out of the Depot, I'll be more than willing to pay it.

2005-10-25T13:29:00.000-04:00

What to do, What to do?? It's been raining here for 3 days, going on forever, and it's as cold as hell. (yes, hell has frozen over, FYI) I feel like going out to the mall, which I know is dangerous for my wallet... I want to pick up some stuff for my Hallowe'en costume, because I just know I'm going to be stuck working on Monday night. I might as well have fun while I'm there. My idea this year is to dress up as a vampire bat. Seeing as no place carries "bat ears", I'm going to use a set of cat ears instead.... I've only got to buy the vampire teeth and the ears. I already have the black wings.

That decided, I was hoping my shopping buddy would be available for this trip.... She's been gone since Friday, and I don't know if she was killed in T.O. or she sick, or missing...... jk. She's probably just at work, or is sleeping.... still.

2005-10-22T23:55:00.000-04:00

Alrighty, so me being a shopaholic end up at the mall today, spending much more than I would've liked to.... Nevertheless, I come out rather unscathed with only a few unnecessary purchases like the purses I bought. I found two I really liked, one was kinda small and therefore a wee bit impractical, but it was the only one at the store and it's beyond gorgeous... the other one was larger, and was cute but there were sooooo many on the shelves. Me, also being the indecisive one, chooses to buy both bags. ~shrugs~ I just couldn't bring myself to make such a horrible decision. Lucky for me, it was buy one, get one half off.... which I didn't realise because like a typical consumer, I failed to read signage. SCORE for me, though! Now if I win the lottery, it will have been a truly perfect day.

2005-10-22T11:16:00.000-04:00

Welcome to this fine city, and let me give a good example of how it's going downhill... FAST!

So the other night, I'm taking the "fabulous" HSR home from work. I'm sitting there, trying to listen to my music and mind my own business, but this loud-mouth is sitting behind me talking on her cell about everything, including her pending incarceration... Alrighty, I did say she was talking about incarceration.... so I decided to uncharicteristically keep my mouth shut and continued to be annoyed because I couldn't hear my own (very loud) music over the grating sound of her voice. I finally decided to give up on the music because I didn't want to waste my batteries.

For the majority of the trip, I had to listen to her whine about not being able to have any makeup, hair styling products, and not being able to get her nails done if she ended up in jail. (Biting my tongue at this point) I figure if you're stupid enough to do something that'll land you in jail, and you're convicted, then you deserve the punishment. I really wanted to turn around, slap her upside the head, and say what do you expect??? An all-inclusive vacation at a resort?!?!?!? Then she starts talking about getting off the bus and beating the snot out of some hookers she knows, because they owe her money for the drugs she gave them. Luckily for me, my stop was next and I could escape from the sound of her voice, and the stupidity that was leaking forth from her mouth.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

Every single day, all I hear in snippets of conversation is "so & so just got sent to Barton (jail).... they're released tomorrow.... I don't want to get caught selling drugs, but I sell them anyways because I'm stupid & greedy..." My list could go on forever.

With stuff like this becoming the idea of what kind of place Hamilton actually is, no one wants to visit, let alone live here...

2005-10-19T13:27:00.000-04:00

Ever notice how inconsiderate people can be?

So every single night, a certain someone waltzes into the house sometime between 1:30 am and 2:00 am. Each night, the front door is slammed as they come in, and then they proceed to bring the dog upstairs with them, as they head off for bed.... gee, I wonder who this is?!? For those of you who've never seen my house, the floors are all wood, same with the un-carpeted stairs, so the dog makes loads of noise getting up them. Of course, this wakes not only myself up, but also my parents. Then, like usual, comes the turning on of every available light in the upstairs vicinity, and the familiar slam of the bathroom door.... again, not fun when you're tired & trying to sleep. Usually once the bathroom door has slammed, and the lights get turned off one by one, it's quiet for the rest of the night...

Until last night!

Rudely, we were all woken up at 4:00 am by the same door-slamming, light turning on, noisy person, who decided to yell at the dog for no apparent reason. I thought I had managed to escape the "annoying room mate" bit when I decided to stay at home & go to school.

Now if ever any one else is loud, even by accident and wakes the inconsiderate one up, tempers flare, and an explosion beyond your wildest dreams occurs.

My only question is: When is it my turn to move out?!? I'll gladly leave as soon as my finances allow it!

2005-10-19T11:55:00.000-04:00

So today, I find out I'm not stuck at "The Depot" forever! Finally! It's not "on paper" official yet, but as per the website, Sheridan will be sending me a firm offer of admission at some point in the near future. While I would really like to go to Humber for the Public Relations programme, Sheridan was my second choice for the Human Resource programme. All I know is that as of January 2006, I will be a student once again!

2005-10-18T11:21:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I've noticed a few web-articles dealing expressly with how people are annoyed by retail and customer service employees. I really think it's unfair that no one else discusses the other side of the issue, which is how many consumers annoy the hell out of those who work in the service and retail industries. So, in an attempt to even out the scale, here goes my rant.

1. Mean customers SUCK! Honestly, if you treat everyone the way you've just treated me, then I'm amazed someone hasn't hauled off and KO'ed you yet. You play nice, and I'll play nice. It's that simple.

2. Don't act like I'm beneath you, and assume I'm stupid. You don't know my story, don't know why I'm working at a retail/service job. If you want to act like you're better than me/ more educated/ higher class, etc... then don't expect to be dazzled by my level of service. Again, courtesy and respect are two way streets.

3. Yelling at me gets you NOWHERE, fast! To be honest, it may delay whatever I'm doing for you. Make me mad, I work slower, take up more of your time, charge you for every little thing you're getting done.... There are ways in which we, the CSA's of the world exact our revenge (but only on the idiots who deserve it).

4. NEVER, ever tell me how to do my job! I'm the one who has trained for several years to be able to provide you with the BEST service I can provide. Unless you think you can do my job better, then I suggest you keep your mouth shut and respect my judgement. Also falling under this category is automatically assuming that a Male CSA, even if they're not in my department, knows more about my job than I do. WRONG! I'm specialized, and highly intelligent. Trust me to know how to fulfill the requirements of your order. Obviously if I didn't know what I was doing, I wouldn't be working in that department!

5. Please, don't make absurd or outlandish requests that you know would be impossible, such as discounts on merchandise and services just because you don't want to pay full price. I can understand if you're buying huge amounts of one product, or if you're requesting a donation for a non-profit organization, but keep in mind, companies do have a bottom line to meet too. Asking for a huge discount on every item you buy is stupid on your part... this just makes us angry because you don't value our products and services, and makes you look cheap.

These are just a few of the annoyances I've encountered during my 10+ years of working as a Customer Service/Sales Associate. Treat me how you want to be treated is all I ask. Value me, because I value you. Without your patronage, my job wouldn't exist. If I or anyone else from my team has done something that totally rocks your socks, then let our manager(s) know.... climb the highest mountain and yell it for all to hear! It's nice to hear good things from our customers!

That said, if you're courteous to an associate and they're just downright apathetic or rude, then yes, by all means, also let their manager know. Obviously they need an attitude adjustment, sometimes in the form of a pink slip. If the manager doesn't do anything, there are avenues such as the Head Office that will do something about it. Believe me, in a competitive market, every company needs to do whatever it can (within reason) to retain you, the customer. If they're not willing, they obviously don't deserve your business.

Okay, that's all I have for now... I'm sure something else will come to mind later.