Anxious for a Reason?

I'm dealing with the return of a very familiar and unwanted feeling: Anxiety. Almost three years ago, I thought I'd dealt with my issues, which at the time were about commuting to Toronto and working under a verbally extended contract, with a promise of a permanent job dangling like a carrot in front of my nose. I opted to look for a new job, as it was evident that I couldn't remain in that state of anxiousness forever. My (now current) job felt like a blessing - a bright spot in all the darkness I was feeling at the time.

Now, three years later, the same kind of anxiety is creeping up on me again. This time, it's not knowing how secure my job is, feeling overwhelmed by the sheer volume of work I deal with, and also knowing that I'm severely underpaid for the skills and knowledge I have. I also know that I'm not happy because I'm still having to live like a broke student, even though I graduated university 5 years ago this spring. I took a pay cut to work at my current job, and I haven't seen a raise in the years since I started. I've been looking for inspiring positions, but nothing strikes my fancy. I almost feel apathetic about the search for a new job, because I figure what's the point?

On top of all this, the economy has been very unkind to my current employer, and we're still feeling the affects of the cash crunch. This makes me uneasy because I now have additional responsibilities like rent, utilities, bills, budgeting in care for myself and my pets. If I lose my job, I have no savings to fall back on, and I will most likely lose my apartment as well, leaving me with loads of personal belongings, and the three animals to live on the street... I can't expect my parents to have me move in with them, as they've finally got their own lives sorted in their perfect one bedroom apartment, plus it'd be like running back to them, admitting defeat as a grown up.

Instead, I chose to apply to a music programme, which I don't even know if I can afford to go to school for if I lose my full time job.

This is all coming to a head today because there's a staff meeting being called for tomorrow, and I just have a feeling of dread about it. There's never been a staff meeting here before, so of course my brain automatically thinks that the worst is about to happen.